If you're flaunting your sex life and how perfect and fabulous it is you're lying and everyone knows it. No one has had a perfect sex life, we've all had that awkward experience where you head butt the bed (or the guy), fall off the bed or worst of all the guy starts helping himself to your fruit bowl the morning after a one night stand.
Sex is seen as hot and erotic but sometimes, just sometimes it's awkward and funny and you know what, that's okay! Sex doesn't have to be flawless or like a porn video, sometimes you will bump heads but you've just got to keep on going. And that is the only tip you will need from me on the matter.
Being on Mars and Venus when it comes to changing position
Literally like you're on different planets. 'Should we do...' 'Yeah' *crash* 'oh you meant that position'. We've all been there when you thought you were skilled enough to read their mind but you really couldn't.
He called me Jane buts that not my name
Yes, yes I have experienced being called the wrong name. His excuse 'my cat is called Jane and I was thinking about how I forgot to feed her this morning.' At the time I wasn't sure what was worse, did I look like his cat? Am I that boring that he is thinking about his cat? What kind of cruel person forgets to feed their cat? And of course, I hope it is his cat and not a poor girlfriend.
I can't believe I just said that
When you're put on the dreaded spot of 'talk dirty to me' and blurt out the most random crap and quotes from 50 Shades of Grey.
Ex on the brain
We all do it... In fact that's why I got called Jane, turns out he still loves Jane. You go Jane!
I so thought I'd done that...
When you thought you'd had a shave downstairs and in fact haven't so now you're coming up with an excuse 'my dog ate my razor', 'the shop sold out'. Or that awkward moment when you thought you had cleared everything off your bed but no, all your cuddly toy dogs, self help books and various other crap is still all spread out on your bed.
Fuck and chuck...
When the guy thinks they're macho and chucks you around during sex so that you fall into a bedside table, spill orange juice all over your coursework and revision and have bruises for weeks. Yupp.
I would love to know your awful and embarrassing sex stories, leave them in the comments or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so that we can giggle together!