As girls, we like to label everything from a tupperware container to every single relationship we ever have. We wait for men to pop the question, ‘will you be my girlfriend?’ why as women is it our goal and mission to hear those words? Are we really that tragically desperate?
I and two of my girlfriends are all in the same boat. We have all been seeing a guy for a couple of months and are not ‘official’ with them and there are no labels. So I asked them about how they felt about that. Whether there needs to be a label, are they happy, do they like the guy, to see whether you have to label it for it to be ‘real’?
My friend Lauren has been seeing a guy for two months and is now at the stage where she is waiting for him to ask her to be his girlfriend. When I asked her this question ‘Why do you want to label your relationship with the man you’re seeing? Will it change anything? Make you feel different?’ she gave me the following answer:
“Once there is a label such as ‘girlfriend or boyfriend’ there is commitment. Of course, there is commitment during the talking stage but it’s not as strong. Becoming an item is satisfying and comfortable if you really like that person. The pressure of trying to get one another goes away.”
My other friend who wished not to be named has been seeing a guy the longest out of the three of us. I asked her the exact same question as I did Lauren and she gave me the following answer:
“I don’t know whether I want to move it forward with him or not. I feel secure and happy with him how we are without the pressure of labelling it. I know he wouldn’t go off with somebody else and I know how much he likes me.”
Both have been seeing the guys for complete different time periods, both are the same age and both have different views.
What about me? I’ve been seeing someone for three months and there are no labels in the picture. I’m content as hell about this currently and do really like him. I’m committed in the sense that I’m not seeing anyone else because of (let's call him John*) because John is in the picture but at the same time, as I’ve learned the hard way, being a ‘girlfriend’ is a big deal.
In the last year and a half, I have broken up with two guys after two weeks each time because I freaked out after labelling it too soon. Both guys asked me to be their girlfriends within two weeks to a month of ‘talking’ and I said yes. That isn’t enough time to get to know someone, to know them deeply enough to want to invest in them. Honestly, I ended it both times because I should have taken the time to get to know them. To see whether I could cope with them day in and day out. They weren’t right for me, like plenty of shoes I have bought and never worn because I stupidly didn’t take longer to think if it was a good decision.
The reason I’m so content with not labelling at this moment in time is because I’m a woman who knows what I want. I know that the next relationship I have, whoever it is with, will be worth investing in. That it will be with someone I trust, care for, enjoy being around and maybe even love. I won’t say yes or ask a man to be my boyfriend unless I really want him to be (yes I would ask a man because it’s 2016 and it's not a man's job anymore #Equality). I certainly won’t sit around waiting for a guy to ask. If I want it I’ll ask, the heck with traditions.
There is so much pressure on labelling relationships, it kills the thrill and ruins the innocence of it. Stop worrying and overthinking that it’s not real because he doesn’t call you his ‘girlfriend’. Enjoy it in all its innocence, really use the time to get to know them and enjoy it in the moment.
What is your opinion on labelling relationships? Email them to firstname.lastname@example.org or comment them down below.