Monday, 11 July 2016

Why you must love yourself before you love somebody else

I won’t kill myself trying to impress anyone and I certainly won’t waste my time desperately chasing a man. You have to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin before you can truly be happy with a significant other.

There are two types of women in this world. The ones who will do anything for a man and the ones who are perceived as hard bitches, but really, we just respect ourselves and know what we want out of life.

Some women will give everything to a man within the first few weeks of knowing him. They will tell him every single corner of their life story, cook him a four-course meal by the second date, and spend hundreds of pounds on new matching underwear. She’ll deal him her best card instantly because she’s insecure and feels that she needs to go into super-girlfriend mode to impress the hell out of him. What’s wrong with that? You’ve known the guy three weeks and you have given him nothing to chase, you have left no mystery, you’ve killed the excitement, where’s the fun in that? He didn’t have to work for anything or even try to ‘woo’ you. The girl who isn’t happy with herself will overcompensate and therefore she will get walked all over. Heck, she drives to that 2am booty call with a ‘delivery’ sign on top of her car.

I used to be this girl and yes, I may as well have stuck a delivery sign to myself when it came to booty calls. I was insecure, lonely and pretty much I was wasting oxygen. I felt like I needed to do everything I could to please a man – I thought that was the only way I would get a man and keep one. You see, I didn’t invest any time in myself, I forgot whom I was and what I liked to do as an individual. I was one of those girls you could just walk all over. I got upset if a boyfriend/guy I was seeing read and ignored my text, I was so sensitive in arguments, I would drop plans to see them, come running as soon as they called, you name it I would do it just to make up my worth.

I became single in the middle of 2015. I was 18-years-old and it was the first time I had been single in five years. I was pathetic looking back but I started to stand back up as my own person and discover myself. I spent two months watching Sex and the City from my bed while writing freelance articles for glossy magazines. Carrie from Sex and the City inspired me career wise and to have Samantha’s outlook on love and sex became my mission. I realised in no time at all that I was in fact quite a sassy, independent woman. I was career driven, my motivation was through the roof, I felt confident, and I could do anything I damn well wanted to do.

When I was in a relationship before I felt like I had nothing going for myself other than the relationship. Now I have a career and an endless amount of confidence. I no longer care if the guy I’m seeing reply’s in 2 minutes or 24 hours, if you argue with me I’ll roll my eyes and fight back if I feel like I’m being walked over, I’m the furthest thing from sensitive and I no longer care if I impress a guy or not. I’m happy with myself and by myself, I don’t need someone to hold my hand and guide me through life. I want someone who will enjoy life with me, support me and call me a glazed doughnut when my highlighter is popping.

You see ladies and gents what I have learned is it’s all about whether you are capable of holding your own in a relationship. It’s about being your own person, it’s about bringing something to the table and no I’m not talking about bringing a man a four-course meal in a sexy nightie. Have your own hobbies, your own me time, your own interests. It’s about having your own life and simply enjoying life with your partner.

The minute you realise you can be perfectly content single you will discover yourself and that’s when you will never get walked over again because you will realise the most important life lesson of all, you don’t need anyone to hold your hand in life and walk over you. You can be a happy little sassy glazed doughnut all by yourself.


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