In the last six months, Tinder has continued to ruin my life. I have gone on dates, been catfished so horrifically, saw someone for a couple of months and even had a lovely bloke tell me he wants to ‘stab my Bratz doll head’.
If we go back in time to six months ago I wrote the piece ‘The type of guys you will meet on Tinder’ and well half a year has passed since then and therefore I have more Tinder experiences to warn you about.
The fuck boy and the Where’s Wally guys are no longer our biggest problem…
The Angry Bird
Ah, this one. Let me explain the Angry Bird to you ladies. Mr Angry will seem like a real decent bloke, normal bio, looks cute in his pictures BUT he is after one thing and one thing only, the nudes. That’s right, the first thing he will say to you is ‘send me a nude’. And oh god help you if you say no. He will go all angry on your arse and call you every name under the sun. I had a lovely experience of a guy raging at me for 20 minutes, telling me that he wanted to ‘stab my Bratz doll head’ and ‘eat my dog’.
This guy will manage to find you and message you on every single platform of social media. He’ll go fully FBI style and track down your Nan’s Facebook, he’ll find your Snapchat, and he will fully find your address.
A slightly nicer version of the Fuck Boy
This guy will give off all the vibes that he likes you. He’ll get to know you on a deeper level, he’ll tell you he likes you, heck he might even take you to meet his family and then you’ll fall for him and that’s when he’ll go cold turkey and cut everything off. He’s not a fuck boy, this type of guy is too nice but he simply will just waste your time. You will feel like you were just a bit of ‘fun’ and nothing else to him and then you will watch Bridget Jones while eating Ben and Jerry’s and realise how alike you are and how you will be single for your entire life.
So I rocked up to a date, hair curled, little black dress on, my makeup on point and well, let’s just say the guy needed to update his Tinder pictures. He looked like a different bloke. He was 19 in his pictures, hot, slim and a jawline that could kill but in person, he was 27 and you couldn’t see his jaw line anymore. Lesson learnt, add them on Snapchat and suss them out first.
So although Tinder has continued to utterly wreck my life it's all for the sake of womankind that I can warn you guys, right?
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