I will shamefully admit I have cheated while in a relationship. I don’t condemn it and I learnt my lesson but I’m here today to put out in the open what made myself and other women I know do such an unforgiveable act.
I was 15/16 years old and had been in a relationship with Darren* for three years, my ‘childhood sweetheart’ you could say. It started after I got recklessly drunk at a house party and ended up ‘getting off’ with another guy. It was pretty bad. Darren wasn’t at the party but it was in the living room in front of literally everyone from our school. I awoke the next morning to countless texts saying ‘What the fuck have you done?’, ‘Soph you have to tell Darren.’ I called Darren and my sorry arse understandably got dumped.
It all happened during the summer holidays and I ended up starting to see another guy while I was single. We spent a couple of weeks hanging out and seeing each other and then I got a text from my ex Darren*. He said he forgave me for cheating and we ended up getting back together but sadly I didn’t listen to my head instead of my heart. I had fallen for the guy I had started seeing (I’d like to add I never slept or even kissed the guy I’d fallen for when I was with Darren but in my eyes, I was emotionally cheating as I liked someone else).
You see I agree that there is no excuse for cheating, no matter what anyone says it is never acceptable. I cared very much for Darren and did not want to hurt him but I had fallen for somebody else. So why didn’t I just end it with Darren? Darren was comfortable, he was always there for me, he was something certain, he did make me really happy and the selfish thought of losing him was why I cheated. I wanted the best of both worlds admittedly. Which yes, is the most selfish thing I have ever done and even though I and Darren are good friends now and even laugh about the whole situation it is still one of my biggest regrets. People always say to me ‘you were young and stupid’, no, no I wasn’t. I was at an age where I could sit GCSE exams, write essays and do things on my own. I knew right from wrong and that is why I have learnt such an important lesson – I’ll never cheat again, if I want to be single I will man up and end it rather than be a selfish cow.
A friend of mine cheated for a similar reason. She cared and loved her boyfriend but in her mind, she just wanted to be single, have nothing to worry about and have some fun. Like myself, it was nothing to do with him not being nice or attentive it was our own selfish needs.
On the other hand, another woman I spoke to who has cheated (who wished to be kept anonymous) admitted she cheated because of the adrenaline and the thrill. She said: “I’m ashamed to admit the thrill of getting caught became quite a turn on. I’d only been dating the guy a few months so I didn’t feel too much guilt. It didn’t work out with him anyways and I knew he wasn’t the one.”
(Names with an * next to them are fictional to protect the persons identify)
I’d love to know your stories - have you ever cheated? Or have you ever been cheated on? Comment or send them to firstname.lastname@example.org if you want them featured in an article (say if you want to be kept anonymous).