Wednesday, 14 September 2016
I will hold my hands up and admit I am sex obsessed. I think about it approximately 56 minutes of every hour, I earn a living writing about it and it is all me and my friends talk about in our group chat.
I have a month left of technically being a teenager till I turn 20 so my hormones are my excuse… but let’s be real, it’s free and it feels darn good so who isn’t thinking about it while making their morning coffee, riding their bike and even at their desk?
If you nod your head at the majority of these 10 things then you my friend, are sex obsessed.
- You think about it pretty much every single hour. A day doesn’t go by where you’re not picturing getting boned or boning someone.
- You don’t give a shit if people stare and judge you as you read 50 Shades of Grey on a packed tube during rush hour. I love reading an erotic novel and winking at people on a tube personally.
- You would have sex anywhere. A park, public toilet, a sofa at a house party. Anywhere thrilling.
- When you pick up your monthly Cosmopolitan the first thing you do is turn to the sex pages.
- Your friends constantly say ‘all you do is talk about sex’.
- You’re only on Tinder to get laid. Guilty.
- People assume you’re a slut but really you just enjoy sex and find it entertaining to talk about as you are A-OK with your sexuality. (Can you tell that is a rant trying to creep out of me).
- When someone makes a sexual innuendo you always get it.
- You’re known as the guy/girl who knows everything about sex. Like that blonde girl out of Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging who is always sitting on her hands and touching her tits.
- Reading this alone made you horny.
Sunday, 11 September 2016
I have made some pretty shocking decisions in my life. I thought I could shake off the pain of a broken arm when I was 8, I’ve been involved with many fuck boys, I even chucked my cat in my swimming pool when I was 6 to see if she could swim – of course she freaked the hell out and burst my Barbie paddling pool. But my biggest mistake is sticking around with a guy who just wasn’t that into me.
I realised after a while that he wasn’t that into me, as in I wasn’t ‘relationship worthy’ but I was fine for everything else, but he had a banging body and my mother liked him so you know I carried on pretending to ignore the friend zone he was pretty much slapping me across the face with.
Personally, I think the signs of ‘He’s just not that into you’ should be taught in schools to save us all from heartbreak and gaining a stone and a half after stuffing your face with Ben and Jerry’s but don’t worry, I will be the light in your life and teach you the ways.
No soppyness allowed
If every time a soppy conversation pops up and he avoids it he’s just not that into you. You say something along the lines of ‘I like you’, ‘where is this going?’ or pay him any compliments and he changes the conversation, goes awkward or just blatantly avoids answering then you need to run out the door, pick up your knickers on the way and save your dignity.
Lack of interest
When we first meet someone we like we want to know every single god damn thing about them. Their most embarrassing story, their odd habits, their cat’s name, there isn’t a detail we don’t want to find out. We’re intrigued with that person and if he is not intrigued he is not that into you. If he doesn’t pay attention to your stories, if he doesn’t ask you questions about your life then I’m really sorry but he’s just not that into you. I went on a date and told him I write about sex in my spare time and he didn’t ask me any questions about it, not even if I spit or swallow. I know I’m not exactly curing cancer but c’mon at least raise an eyebrow.
Vice versa if he doesn’t open up about himself and tell you how he once had a pint with David Beckham, or how he once won a fight against a robber on his way home from soccer practise then he really doesn’t give a shit.
The dreaded gut feeling
We’re not complete idiot’s ladies. In fact, we are technically magical humans compared to men as we have the power of the gut feeling. The sixth sense that hits our core and screams at us – yet we ignore it. If your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong then bloody listen to it.
The boner dilemma
This one is pretty obvious but if he is having a hard time getting it up every time you have sex, he’s just not that into you. Luckily for me, this was the one sign he didn’t give me if you know what I mean ladies.
Have you ever been in this situation? What happened and how did you find out he wasn’t interested?
You can now send me anonymous sex, dating and relationship questions and dilemmas - https://curiouscat.me/vavaviolet
I’m a woman and I have all the parts to prove it. However, I’m not a feminist. A woman who isn’t a feminist? Did you fall off your chair in shock? Or spit your wine out over your computer? Good. Yes, we do exist and we are fed up to the back teeth with women who are feminists putting us down because of it.
Before you roll your eyes at me, click off the article or call me an ‘idiotic cum-guzzling slut’ in the comments below (yes I have been called that by a fellow woman after telling them), take the time to read why I don’t personally support feminism anymore.
I’m not addressing every single feminist (I’m mainly addressing radical feminists) I’m addressing the ones that if the shoe fits… well. You wear that shoe girlfriend.
I’m sick of hearing women whining because of a ‘Damsel in Distress’ character in a video game, film, TV show. I’m tired of hearing women cry ‘Why are women portrayed as the weaker sex in films’. It’s a film. It is fictional, a story, entertainment. Entertainment that you most likely secretly enjoyed as that Ironman film took your attention away from everyday reality. What do you propose feminists? That we portray men as the ones in distress instead? That all films are full of rainbows, happy chubby unicorns, and fluffy clouds? There are thousands of films and games that feature and portray powerful and strong women. So sit down and watch the Hunger Games. Take a swig of vodka every time Katniss Everdeen does something sassy that portrays her as a strong woman. I promise you will get drunker than you did at prom.
Men are deemed as fuck boys, criminals, rapists, thugs, mean, emotionless.. Where is the equality? How many times have you heard a woman mutter the phases in your life ‘men are idiots’, ‘all men are the same’, ‘men are arseholes’. No the wrong word to use here is ‘men’ not all men are the same. Just because some twat called Jake broke your heart in Year 8 does not mean that you can discriminate against an entire gender. When will women learn that not all men are the same?
If a man is beating up or abusing a woman in public, then either the police arrive within 10 seconds or the bystanders beat up the guy. If a woman is beating a man, no one cares. People say things like "he probably wastes money on alcohol" or "he was probably cheating on her". There is no equality and justice for men who are domestically abused.
The problem is real honest feminists who believe in equality for everyone are being out shadowed by the radical feminists. Radical feminism is destroying something I once used to fight for. I’m an independent sassy woman who treats everyone equally. I don’t need to label myself with the F word. There are bigger problems in the world than fictional characters not being portrayed the way you want them to be portrayed.
All lives matter and equality for every single beating heart on this planet should be what we spend our precious time fighting for. So when radical feminists stop putting men down then I will happily call myself a feminist and associate myself with the word.
So radical feminists please stop destroying something that could be so powerful and life changing for the entire world.
Thursday, 8 September 2016
I need an actual mug that says ‘get shit done’ on it in real life. Words have always fascinated me, the way they’re formed to create meaning, to create stories and how they’re used to communicate with one another. I suppose that’s why I love being a journalist, you know for that daily word porn.
I thought I would share some of my favourite quotes with my fabulous readers, the ones that make me laugh and feel inspired – mainly laugh to be honest.
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
Ever purposely gone into the doggy position because the sex is just so boring you need to hide your expressionless face from them, or to bury your head in the pillow so you can quit making bullshit fake orgasm noises or to have a quick glance at your watch to estimate how much longer of this torment there is.
There is nothing worse than ‘boring sex’, literally nothing. When you have been with your partner for a long time and the sex becomes too routine like and typical, missionary, doggy, missionary... you know that type.
So here is a list of things you can try out to spice up your sex life if you're lacking motivation and inspiration. These tips can also apply if you've just met someone and they're bad in bed or you just simply want to try some new things out.
Bondage and light choking
Not the most subtle to start with but… the sense of having no control or complete control is overwhelmingly arousing. It can open up a whole new sexual world for you to explore. Start with a blindfold and/or handcuffs and work your way up to 50 Shades of Grey style if you so wish.
Shove a pillow in there
You read that so wrong, urgh. There is a way to make missionary a little more interesting and it will also either help you to orgasm or actually make you orgasm. Next time you find yourself in that average position
Modern day role play
Stick on an erotic film like 50 Shades of Grey and you and your partner copy out the scenes. It gives you the chance to try out loads of different things at once, while your man tries to outdo Mr Grey (trust me it will make him perform).
The simplest and easiest way to spice up your sex life is by teasing and yes, this can be kinkily done over text. It’s the middle of the day when he’s at work most likely bored out of his mind send him a sext,
Food and sex always, and I mean ALWAYS, go together! Get a can of whipped cream and spray it where you want him to lick it. That’s just one of the ways you can make your blowjobs an experience he’ll never forget and it makes it more entertaining for you.
Got a sex, relationship or dating question? Send them to me and I’ll help email@example.com
Tuesday, 6 September 2016
There is just something so utterly satisfying about finding a fashion blogger that just represents your style down to a tee.
Fashion, admittedly, is the one thing I lack inspiration massively in. In my work life, I am always inspired without a doubt and in every other aspect of my life, I can find inspiration from just about anything. But I and fashion just do not click.
I have never ever been ‘fashionable’ and I doubt I ever will be, to be frank. I dress for me, I dress in clothes that I couldn’t resist buying, clothes that are comfy, effortless and of course I never wear flat shoes, like ever. Other than that I feel like I don’t really know what my ‘style’ is.
That is till I discovered fashion blogs. A place on the web where I could literally follow someone’s fashion diary, discover how to pull off trends that I was loving, and just scroll through endless photographs that flooded me with inspiration.
My two favourites are Sara Ashcroft who owns the blog thatpommegirl.com and Megan Ellaby of pagesbymegan.com oddly both have completely different styles, which so do I. I love to wear smart clothes seeing as I work in an office five days a week and have to dress smart, and then on the weekends I have more of a ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ kinda style. Sarah’s style is rather smart casual; she always looks neat and tidy and keeps very up to date with the current trends. Whereas Megan’s style is flawlessly rock ‘n’ roll, mixes of patterns, accessories and is a genuinely bad arse.
Since following both of their blogs I have purchased more clothes that I actually wear, I have explored with my wardrobe more and I have most importantly had more fun with fashion.
So go grab a coffee and get searching for fashion bloggers that really catch your eye. Then tell me who to follow in the comments!
Monday, 5 September 2016
You know when you want something so bad it’s all you can think about, yeah well that’s how I felt about Kylie Jenner’s Lip Kits. Modern day diva or what?
As you all know (unless you have been living under a rock) Kylie Jenner, of the Kardashian family, released her own cosmetic line a couple of months back and since then my Instagram has been filled with pictures of the famous lip kits, its all my blogger friends talk about and it is all anybody is wearing.
I bit the bullet and gave into peer pressure and just had to order some and give them a whirl. I went with Exposed, which is a brown/nude shade, Posie K a dark dusky pink and King K which is a metallic gold.
After paying £18.52 for custom charges, just to pick up my order, I was extremely critical when reviewing these products. The order alone came to £70, which for three liquid lipsticks and two lip liners is arguably not too bad, depending on their quality. GIRLS, let me just tell you that these lip kits are worth every darn penny (yes, even the custom charges).
I have worn them on nights out and they survived cocktails, downing vodka shots, dancing all night and yes, they stay on while kissing… they even stay put during sex, which usually wearing lipstick while having sex is a big no no but these do not budge. Too much information? Don’t lie we all want a lipstick that doesn’t budge during sex.
They are a tad drying on the lips but nothing is perfect and I would rather that than them come straight off and have to reapply all night.
I will be placing another order very, very soon!
Have you tried out any of the lip kits? What did you think? I’m dying to know!
Sunday, 4 September 2016
I have been trusted by a few of you to answer your sex and relationships questions so I solemnly swear I will keep the sarcasm to a minimum, avoid calling you an idiot and I will answer as best as I can…
I tweeted asking for people to send me their questions and received some on blog posts so I have decided to put them all in one post, see how it goes, see if anyone ends up divorced because of me and well, we will go from there!
When should you first have sex with someone you like?
In all honesty, whenever the hell you want. I don’t personally believe in ‘time limits’ if the first date feels right then you buy that ‘I fuck on the first date’ t-shirt and do your thing boo. You should feel no pressure what so ever, if they want to and you don’t, then they just have to respect that and vice versa you must respect when they are ready too. Who even made up the ‘at least wait till the third/fourth date’ rule? Do it when it feels right and when you want to, ignore society.
If I’m attracted to someone, should I drop hints until they make a move?
It’s hard to judge this without knowing the exact situation. So I’ll tell you what I would do if I liked/was attracted to someone. I would flirt with them, make an effort with them, heck if they weren’t stepping up to the game I’d ask them out on a date. The stereotype that men have to make the first move, pay for the bill, be all romantic, needs to die. Be a sassy woman, show him you’re interested and make the first move. What have you got to lose?
I texted first yesterday, so should I wait for the guy I like to text first today?
No. This is when the fun of dating dies out when you turn it into some sort of game. It puts unneeded pressure on the person you’re dating and yourself. Chill out. Go with the flow. If you want to text him ‘good morning’ then just do it. With something petty like ‘oh I can’t text first two days in a row’ you will start to overthink, and think stuff like ‘oh he’s not interested I’ve texted first two days in a row’ just because a guy doesn’t text you first thing in the morning, whilst he’s at work, in the evening, doesn’t mean he is not interested. He has a life too don’t forget. People have commitments and are not on their phones 24/7. So send the text, don’t overthink but if you are texting him first/starting a conversation for a long period then that is a completely different issue (aka re-download Tinder because he doesn’t give a shit - sorry).
How and when should I ask for another date?
If you want another date then just go for it, send the text/call right now!
I’m still single, even though I’m in my mid to late 20s. Is this normal?
The late twenties are the new late teens, chill. Us humans live till we are like 100 now so you have plenty of time. I know loads of people all in their mid to late 20s who are single, you’re not alone. If you want to meet someone put yourself out there, dating sites, go to social events. I’m a firm believer that you will meet the one when you’re ready to meet ‘the one’.
Will pretending I’m uninterested make a person even more attracted to me?
Funny enough I’m unsure on this question myself if I’m being honest. I tested this on Tinder awhile back. To some guys, I acted keen and proper interested and to others I acted so cool and uninterested and well, the uninterested Soph got more attention. So I’m torn. Be yourself and if they’re attracted they’ll come running is my advice.
How long should I wait before texting back? I certainly don’t want to seem too eager.
Ha, who gives a shit. If he takes 4 hours to reply and you take 2 minutes 2 seconds who cares. I have no shame I literally do not care. If I’m interested in someone I reply as soon as I can, it takes two seconds to send a text. If I’m not interested then well, not going to lie I read and ignore or reply three days or a week later. There is no in-between for me.
How can I tell if the person I’m on a first date with is worth going on a second date with?
Does he make you laugh? Do you want to rip his pants off with your teeth? Are you eager to learn more about him/her? Did you come away smiling? Do you like what you’ve seen so far? If you answered yes to all of them or nodded your head then they are worth going on a second date with.
Is dating even worth it?
I felt a kind of sadness when I saw this question pop up in my emails from a young woman. She explained that she has been hurt a lot in a previous relationship so is fearful of it all happening again. I told her personally and I’ll tell you all that dating is so worth it with the right person. Not everyone will treat you like crap, cheat on you or hurt you. There is someone out there who will make you forget that you’ve ever been hurt before. And although I am as single as you can get and every single boy who has ever come into my life has fucked me over, I still look forward to the day where I realise I’ve met ‘the one’.
If you enjoyed this post and if you have any relationship or sex questions send them to firstname.lastname@example.org or comment them below or tweet them to @JournalistSoph. If you wish to be kept anonymous let me know.