Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Life update: Sex, dating, career and doing a Britney 2007

I haven't shared a life update on here in months now and well everything has gone to shit. I'm doing a Britney 2007 and ripping my hair out, my stress levels could be compared to a volcanic eruption but don't panic, I'm still as bubbly and annoying as ever.

My love and sex life
My love life could be compared to a unicorn – non-existent and utter bullshit. There are no guys in the picture in a romantic way what so ever. I’m not even casually talking to or dating anyone (well, other than over Tinder Social with my friends) but in all honesty, there is not one single guy that I text daily.

You could say that instead of becoming asexual (that will never happen) I have become adating. I suppose dealing with many fuck boys does that to you. Being in a 'serious' relationship is the last thing on my mind and scarily, I am only falling deeper and deeper in love with the single life. Scarily to the point that I no longer go all warm and fuzzy when a wedding scene comes on in a film, seeing happy couples doesn't make me want a partner and staring at my double bed only makes me release how happy I am that I can starfish across it.

Turning 20
Entering a new decade of my life has weirdly completely and utterly thrown me into a pit of despair and has made me feel awful about myself.

In a few weeks, I turn 20 years old. Which yes, I know is still very young. However, thanks to society the wave of pressure is getting real. Most people my age are at university, not living with their parents and are having fun. I choose to go head first into a career as a Journalist and I do love it but I can’t help but feel like my years of being young are slipping out of my grip and I can’t do anything about it.

I’m a workaholic so I spend even my free time doing freelance journalism and working on this blog but I can’t help that feel like if I live till 80 I’ll look back and regret not doing shots of some random strippers tits and experiencing sniffing cocaine up a brand new spanking five-pound note.

All jokes aside, I suppose I’m worried that I’ll end up sad, miserable, lonely and with no fun memories because I spent my youth and every second of my life working.

I also feel like I should be feeling at my sexiest entering my 20’s but the truth is I have never felt as insecure as I do at this moment in time. I thought by 20 I would look in a mirror and be content with myself as a person and in the way I look. But hey ho, I’ll work on it for when I turn 30.

Am I just panicking and being a stupid drama queen? Yes, yes I am.

Me, myself and I
How am I in myself? I'm writing this at 1am in the morning after just setting a 6am alarm for work tomorrow. I'm beyond tired but can't shut off from work and my brain is crammed with article and blog post ideas so I just had to come on my iPad and write them down.

To be honest, and let's be frank, life has been shit the last few months. I won't lie and pretend I live in some perfect bubble, that my hair always has volume and my acrylic nails are always presentable. That I'm always bubbly, that I always smile and that life is flawless. It just isn't. I am a closed book, I don't talk about my problems and I certainly don't show that I'm in pain or struggling with life. Instead, I pick my own arse up every time, shake myself and I get on with life. I'll laugh, cover up my pain with my dark humour and I'll turn on my laptop and just work on freelance projects till I fall asleep at my desk and you know what, if that is what gets me out of a funk then so be it.

So yes, deep down I am beyond stressed. I'm not sad or unhappy, I'm just stressed but like any emotion, I'll shake it off sooner or later.

Enough about me, how are you guys? Let me know in the comments or email me at vavaviolett@outlook.com

Soph x

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