Saturday, 3 September 2016

The rules of a girl group chat

A group chat filled with girls is the equivalent of a jungle on fire. Everyone is panicking about something, acting like their lives are over because Fred* read and ignored your mate, so and so got caught bitching about so and so, one twat is crying about breaking her nail and you’re trying your hardest to put the jungle fire out by shutting everyone up.

So much is going on and so quickly that unless you can read and type quickly you may as well hit that ‘leave group’ button – you won’t be missed I can assure you that. Everyone is talking over everyone, no one is really listening and your phone memory basically consists of memes.  

I’ve created some rules that I think every female group chat should adhere to and they are (names are made up):

Just shut up and listen.
Sally* is crying over Justin* cheating on her, pouring her heart out to the group chat and Jessica* is rudely talking over her sending in pictures of her new tattoo. Shut up Jessica we’re trying to ease Sally’s pain. No one cares for your Harry Potter triangle tattoo. – Instead of all talking over one another actually listen and enjoy the gossip, surely Justin cheating on Sally is entertaining enough.

One at a time.
Why oh why do we all send 15 different messages that could have easily all been put into one text. ‘Bing, bing, bing, bing’ later and I’m about ready to call the EU referendum debate off with the girls purely because of that dreaded noise. It’s fine doing it when you’re talking to one person but when there is 10 of you all doing it even China can hear the ‘bing bing’.

Don’t ignore me.
The most humiliating thing on the planet is arguably when you put a message in the group chat, particularly a question and the double blue tick appears next to your message and no one has bothered to reply. Sending in ‘Anyone in town for lunch?’ and everyone reading and ignoring is unacceptable and should be made illegal. New rule if it has a question mark at the end you answer it whether you like it or not.

The main rule.

Ignore the above rules. Girl group chats are at their peak when they’re messy, filled with gossip, stupid meme’s and everyone is arguing. It’s why we put up with them right?


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