I learnt the biggest love lesson ever...

Am I the only person who fears saying the words ‘I like you’, ‘I love you, ‘I want you’, ‘I miss you’ more than anything else in the world?  

Because, once you’ve told them, that’s it, you can’t take it back. They know they have you and it all gets serious (they also now know you will play with their hair for an hour straight with no complaints… I know, I have a massive soppy side)

But that’s not what is scary. The scary bit is before you have even uttered those words. The moment you realise you like that person on a deeper level it’s easy to freak out and run away.

Now I’ll be blatantly honest. I’m single as we all know because let’s face it, who wants to date the girl who is clumsy, has a laugh like a hyena and has a constant sex drive. Well, the last one makes me dateable right? I digress, I have ghosted two guys over the last year and a half. Sigh, I know, bad Sophie. But I didn’t ghost them because I’m a ‘nobhead’. I ghosted them because I started to gain feelings for them and well deleting their number was just easier than the fear of getting hurt. I also feared commitment; do I actually want to invest my precious time on another human being?

So I met someone, I let my walls down, realised I, in fact, I can be committed to one person (strangely liked it) and genuinely realised I don’t fear commitment. Although it did end and I got hurt in a way it taught me a lot.

It taught me that I no longer fear heartbreak or question if I can be committed. I won’t run away again from someone I like and here’s why.

Although it hurts and although it is terrifying to put yourself in a situation where things could get serious, isn’t it bloody worth it? If you meet someone who makes you feel comfortable, who slaps a smile on your face every time their name pops up on your phone, someone who you look forward to seeing, somebody who supports you and wants the best for you, and most importantly someone who doesn’t judge you and you can simply be yourself around. Isn’t it worth it?


I learnt that if I ever meet someone again who makes me feel like that, I’ll take it mega slow and if they bring a lot of happiness to my life, well, I’ll do my best to make them mega happy too.






Why you must love yourself before you love somebody else


I won’t kill myself trying to impress anyone and I certainly won’t waste my time desperately chasing a man. You have to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin before you can truly be happy with a significant other.

There are two types of women in this world. The ones who will do anything for a man and the ones who are perceived as hard bitches, but really, we just respect ourselves and know what we want out of life.

Some women will give everything to a man within the first few weeks of knowing him. They will tell him every single corner of their life story, cook him a four-course meal by the second date, and spend hundreds of pounds on new matching underwear. She’ll deal him her best card instantly because she’s insecure and feels that she needs to go into super-girlfriend mode to impress the hell out of him. What’s wrong with that? You’ve known the guy three weeks and you have given him nothing to chase, you have left no mystery, you’ve killed the excitement, where’s the fun in that? He didn’t have to work for anything or even try to ‘woo’ you. The girl who isn’t happy with herself will overcompensate and therefore she will get walked all over. Heck, she drives to that 2am booty call with a ‘delivery’ sign on top of her car.

I used to be this girl and yes, I may as well have stuck a delivery sign to myself when it came to booty calls. I was insecure, lonely and pretty much I was wasting oxygen. I felt like I needed to do everything I could to please a man – I thought that was the only way I would get a man and keep one. You see, I didn’t invest any time in myself, I forgot whom I was and what I liked to do as an individual. I was one of those girls you could just walk all over. I got upset if a boyfriend/guy I was seeing read and ignored my text, I was so sensitive in arguments, I would drop plans to see them, come running as soon as they called, you name it I would do it just to make up my worth.

I became single in the middle of 2015. I was 18-years-old and it was the first time I had been single in five years. I was pathetic looking back but I started to stand back up as my own person and discover myself. I spent two months watching Sex and the City from my bed while writing freelance articles for glossy magazines. Carrie from Sex and the City inspired me career wise and to have Samantha’s outlook on love and sex became my mission. I realised in no time at all that I was in fact quite a sassy, independent woman. I was career driven, my motivation was through the roof, I felt confident, and I could do anything I damn well wanted to do.

When I was in a relationship before I felt like I had nothing going for myself other than the relationship. Now I have a career and an endless amount of confidence. I no longer care if the guy I’m seeing reply’s in 2 minutes or 24 hours, if you argue with me I’ll roll my eyes and fight back if I feel like I’m being walked over, I’m the furthest thing from sensitive and I no longer care if I impress a guy or not. I’m happy with myself and by myself, I don’t need someone to hold my hand and guide me through life. I want someone who will enjoy life with me, support me and call me a glazed doughnut when my highlighter is popping.

You see ladies and gents what I have learned is it’s all about whether you are capable of holding your own in a relationship. It’s about being your own person, it’s about bringing something to the table and no I’m not talking about bringing a man a four-course meal in a sexy nightie. Have your own hobbies, your own me time, your own interests. It’s about having your own life and simply enjoying life with your partner.


The minute you realise you can be perfectly content single you will discover yourself and that’s when you will never get walked over again because you will realise the most important life lesson of all, you don’t need anyone to hold your hand in life and walk over you. You can be a happy little sassy glazed doughnut all by yourself.





Three girls tell the truth behind labelling a relationship


As girls, we like to label everything from a tupperware container to every single relationship we ever have. We wait for men to pop the question, ‘will you be my girlfriend?’ why as women is it our goal and mission to hear those words? Are we really that tragically desperate?

I and two of my girlfriends are all in the same boat. We have all been seeing a guy for a couple of months and are not ‘official’ with them and there are no labels. So I asked them about how they felt about that. Whether there needs to be a label, are they happy, do they like the guy, to see whether you have to label it for it to be ‘real’?

My friend Lauren has been seeing a guy for two months and is now at the stage where she is waiting for him to ask her to be his girlfriend. When I asked her this question ‘Why do you want to label your relationship with the man you’re seeing? Will it change anything? Make you feel different?’ she gave me the following answer:
“Once there is a label such as ‘girlfriend or boyfriend’ there is commitment. Of course, there is commitment during the talking stage but it’s not as strong. Becoming an item is satisfying and comfortable if you really like that person. The pressure of trying to get one another goes away.”

My other friend who wished not to be named has been seeing a guy the longest out of the three of us. I asked her the exact same question as I did Lauren and she gave me the following answer:
“I don’t know whether I want to move it forward with him or not. I feel secure and happy with him how we are without the pressure of labelling it. I know he wouldn’t go off with somebody else and I know how much he likes me.”

Both have been seeing the guys for complete different time periods, both are the same age and both have different views.

What about me? I’ve been seeing someone for three months and there are no labels in the picture. I’m content as hell about this currently and do really like him. I’m committed in the sense that I’m not seeing anyone else because of (let's call him John*) because John is in the picture but at the same time, as I’ve learned the hard way, being a ‘girlfriend’ is a big deal.

In the last year and a half, I have broken up with two guys after two weeks each time because I freaked out after labelling it too soon. Both guys asked me to be their girlfriends within two weeks to a month of ‘talking’ and I said yes. That isn’t enough time to get to know someone, to know them deeply enough to want to invest in them. Honestly, I ended it both times because I should have taken the time to get to know them. To see whether I could cope with them day in and day out. They weren’t right for me, like plenty of shoes I have bought and never worn because I stupidly didn’t take longer to think if it was a good decision.

The reason I’m so content with not labelling at this moment in time is because I’m a woman who knows what I want. I know that the next relationship I have, whoever it is with, will be worth investing in. That it will be with someone I trust, care for, enjoy being around and maybe even love. I won’t say yes or ask a man to be my boyfriend unless I really want him to be (yes I would ask a man because it’s 2016 and it's not a man's job anymore #Equality). I certainly won’t sit around waiting for a guy to ask. If I want it I’ll ask, the heck with traditions.

There is so much pressure on labelling relationships, it kills the thrill and ruins the innocence of it. Stop worrying and overthinking that it’s not real because he doesn’t call you his ‘girlfriend’. Enjoy it in all its innocence, really use the time to get to know them and enjoy it in the moment.



What is your opinion on labelling relationships? Email them to vavaviolett@outlook.com or comment them down below.






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