Monday, 24 October 2016

20 reasons sex is better at 20 than when you're underage

I'll hold my hands up and admit I lost my virginity when I was underage. I felt ready, I made sure I was safe and I had been with my boyfriend at the time for nearly a year before we both agreed we were ready. But that is a whole other story, during my years of sexual activity the sex has just got better and better and if that's the case then roll on turning 30.

I have always been a very sexual person and have always been comfortable with my sexuality, talking about sex and having sex. However, every year it's not just blowing out birthday candles that I'm getting better at. Here are 20 reasons why sex is better with age:

1.  Confidence
Confidence is the sexiest darn thing a person can have. Being confident in the bedroom allows you to explore more, enjoy the moment more and just own it. Looking back at when I was young I was nowhere near as confident as I am now and sex has improved because of it.

2. Not being ashamed of one night stands
When I first started going out clubbing one night stands were something I kept quiet about and was slightly embarrassed by. Now it's like craving chocolate, if I want to do it and feel like it I'll do it.

3. Toys aren't just for kids
Toys aren't just for kids. There are adult toys that are much more fun.

4. Sex in cars
Now cars are involved because you're older and for some reason having sex in a car is just thrilling.

5. Sex chats
For me personally all my friends have had sex now and I can finally talk about sex with them, share our funny stories and then use them against one another when playing 'never have I ever'. 

6. Experimenting and no I'm not talking science
You've had some time to experiment and you've learned what really turns you on and gets you biting that pillow.

7. Embarrassment goes out of the window
I never get embarrassed anymore. Queefing used to make me want to cry, accidentally headbutting them doesn't make me want to cry either and just genuinely you learn to adapt and get back into being a feisty horny animal straight away.

8. Free sex toys
Since I've started blogging about sex I get the odd sex toy sent my way. Didn't get that a few years ago.

9. I know what I want
I know what I want in the bedroom. I'm a submissive so if you are too then it's just not going to work, sorry.

10. Dressing up
Dressing up and surprising someone in lingerie is one of my favourite past times. Stockings, suspenders, matching underwear set uh heaven. Couldn't afford fancy lingerie back in the day but now...

11. Shock factor
Nothing, and I mean nothing shocks me in the bedroom anymore. There is a fetish for everything.

12. Learning new skills
I can put a condom on with my mouth. Skills ay?

13. Porn is okay
When you're single and it's been a few weeks or days porn is okay...

14. It's not illegal
It's no longer illegal to play around because you're an adult.

15. The people you do the deed with
The people you do the deed with have more experience so hopefully, they're hitting it right.
16. Self-love
Making myself orgasm is no longer a challenge. I can do it in seconds.

17. The myth of love
You don't need to be in love to have bomb ass sex. I'm sorry to end your fairy tales but as long as you fancy him enough to rip his boxers off with your teeth the sex can be amazing with a stranger.

18. Vocal
Being vocal is nothing to hide anymore.

19. Cuddle or not to cuddle
I used to take it personal if the guy didn't cuddle me after sex. Now I know some people like to de-cum themselves and clean up and that's fine by me, I'd much rather you leave straight after a hook up anyways.

20. The 'sex count'
I no longer worry about how many people I've slept with. Life is for living and well at least when I die I will die happily knowing I've had a foursome.





Tweet me and tell me what you think is better about sex with age @JournalistSoph







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Saturday, 15 October 2016

Sex and relationship questions answered #2


The last time I answered questions and gave advice I managed to break a couple up so this should be interesting.

I pulled out some questions from my emails, tweets I’ve received and off Curious Cat to form another ramble of my ‘somewhat’ helpful advice and to cure your nosiness.  Let’s get on with it, shall we?

Disclaimer: When you ask a question/send a confession over email, Twitter, Curious Cat just ask to be kept anonymous if you wish and your wish is my command.


When did you lose your virginity?
This question is the question I get asked the most, that and do I have a boyfriend. I won’t lie I am kind of ashamed to admit I was very young when I lost my virginity. I was underage (which is being under 16 years old in the UK). I felt ready, I wanted to do it and even though I was very young I took myself to the clinic and put myself on the pill. So I wasn’t a complete dumbass. And I might as well answer the second most frequently asked question while we’re on the subject – no, I do not have a boyfriend, I watch Netflix alone.


Soph, please keep me anonymous but I cheated on my long-term boyfriend and the guilt is destroying me. I do love him, I don’t know why I did it I can’t explain why I did but I don’t know what to do now.  I don’t want to lose him. What should I do? What would you do?
What would I do? Well I wouldn’t cheat on someone if I genuinely loved them so I can’t help you there I’m afraid. However, you need to tell him as soon as possible. Stop being selfish and thinking about yourself, you write ‘the guilt is destroying me’ well how about thinking about your boyfriend and how much it is going to destroy him? It is better he hears it from you than somebody else beating you to it. Who knows maybe he will forgive you if he is a moron. I think the real problem here is your perception of the love you have for this guy. – Sorry, I only know how to give tough love. I hope it works out for you if you do love him.


How comes you are single? Your advice is much wiser than someone should have at your age.
Heartbreak does that to you at any age – cringe but sadly it’s the truth. I’m single because, well I don’t know maybe I am undateable. I mean, I do starfish across the bed and resemble a cat with how annoying I am when I want my hair played with. I also talk a lot, which seems to put men off. I give a cracking blowjob though so maybe one day a guy will stick around.


Sophie, I really like this guy who I work with but I don’t know if he is interested in me. I think we flirt but he is quite flirty with everyone. How can I tell if he actually likes me?
I’ve been in this situation and it is a tough one. I personally asked the guy out, he said yeah, we went on a date and I realised I didn’t actually like him – he was so cocky and vain I just could not deal with it. BUT girl, I think you should grow some balls and test him, ask him out on a date. If he is interested he’ll go – if not get back on Tinder and have some fun.


My boyfriend is shit in bed but I love him. What should I do?
Give him a chance. Talk to him about what you like and tell him what really turns you on. As a couple work on it together, try new things, spice it up a bit, encourage him and support him. If you find it awkward to talk to him about it just suggest things, for example, if you only do one position you get up and you take control and change the position. If he's not making you cum then you need to discover what makes you cum and you need to show him. Teamwork yano.


Where is the most public place you have had sex?
Hyde Park in London. I just love the thrill of getting caught lol.


What turns you on and what turns you off?
Rough sex really turns me on, I am definitely submissive. Neck kissing is the one thing that can always turn me on and giving blowjobs, that’s weirdly a turn on. Turn offs, feet. I can’t be dealing with foot fetishes (it’s not for everyone, fair play if you dig that).




I made a Curious Cat profile which is a place where you guys can send me questions and confessions and can simply click a button to be anonymous, so you know, your boyfriend doesn’t find out you’ve cheated on him, or so you can keep your questions private. To ask a question or send me a confession click (HERE).






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Tuesday, 11 October 2016

'If we end the stigma on mental health, we can save lives'


Who cares about mental health when it’s not going on in your own mind, right? It’s just attention seeking and weird to have any mental health issues, isn’t it? It’s all a lie for sympathy, correct? Wrong, wrong and wrong – if you think like this then you are the reason why I am writing this article. So sit back with a coffee, tea or a snack and let me attempt to educate you.

Yesterday was the annual World Mental Health Day, which falls on October 10 every year. The national day aims to get people talking about mental health and encourages people to gather their loved ones, workmates and anyone they can, to sit and talk about the issues and struggles that millions of people are facing daily.


It’s pretty tragic really. Why do we need a national day to talk about something so serious? Surely something as serious as an illness that causes people to end their own lives should be openly discussed so that it can be resolved? Well, ladies and gentleman if only that was the case. People are scared to talk about their mental health, people are struggling, people are alone in a world with billions of us in it and people are dying because of this. I’ve witnessed it in school, on social media and even in the adult world that some people mock mental health, poking fun out of depression and belittling issues.

The next time you call someone attention seeking when you clock their self-harm scars on their wrist feel ashamed. Feel ashamed because that person could be battling the worst battle in their mind that you could ever possibly imagine. Feel ashamed because you belittled mental health and you’re the reason people are still losing their mums, dads, children and loved ones to mental health.


 I have never had depression, I don’t have bipolar or borderline personality disorder, I don’t suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, I’ve never had an eating disorder, I’ve never battled hypomania or mania, I don’t have panic attacks or paranoia, I haven’t experienced postnatal depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, I’ve never had psychotic experiences, schizoaffective disorder, seasonal affective disorder, problems with my self-esteem and I have never self-harmed and committing suicide has never even entered my mind. Why am I telling you this? Just because you don’t suffer from any mental health issues doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to understand them, it doesn’t mean that you should avoid them and it certainly doesn’t give you the right to judge someone with a mental health issue. I may not suffer from mental health issues but I sure as hell want to do something to help anyone who does.

 

But if you think mental health doesn’t affect you, you are very wrong. Recent stats have shown that mixed anxiety and depression is the most common mental disorder in Britain, ten per cent of mothers and six per cent of fathers in the UK have mental health problems at any given time,  and as many as 10 percent of people in England will experience depression in their lifetime. Still, don’t think it affects your life? I promise you, one day in your life someone dear to you will most likely experience one of the mental illnesses I listed and you need to be ready and educated to help them.

If we end the stigma on mental health, we can save lives.


If you’re suffering from mental health, feeling suicidal or struggling please speak out. You can always talk to me, I’m no expert but I will listen and be a friend to you if you’re alone, you can contact me via vavaviolett@outlook.com or you can find professional help and call lines by visiting http://www.get.gg/helplines.htm





The photographs used were taken by Carmen Hyden (Instagram @cmh_p) and portray a person feeling trapped – much like the feelings expressed by someone who suffers from their mental health.





Soph x
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