Boring sex is the equivalent of your tea going cold, heartbreak, not getting what you want at Christmas, no good food in the fridge, basically everything bad that could ever happen to you. I wouldn't wish terrible sex on my worst enemy.
Since
the day I lost my virginity these are genuine thoughts that have gone through
my head while having awful sex.
1.
If I can
hear the neighbour’s, can they hear me not screaming in pleasure?
2.
I can’t
remember if I fed the dogs or not.
3.
Why does my
hip ache?
4.
I could be
doing something so much more productive right now.
5.
I am so going
to blog about this experience.
6.
Why does my
back hurt?
7.
Quick make a
fake moan so he feels like a sex God.
8.
Stop leaning
on my bloody hair.
9.
Why is he
bending my leg like that do I look like a slinky dog?
10.
Do another
fake moan.
11.
Maybe if I
call him the wrong name he’ll stop.
12.
Why is he
grinning like that?
13.
Stop
thinking about your ex.
14.
When did I
last make a fake orgasm noise?
15.
God I
shouldn’t have eaten all that food before doing this.
16.
Can you just
cum already.
17.
Pull a sexy
face and he might cum.
18.
Okay, that
was not sexy at all.
19.
Oh god he’s
doing that grin again.
20.
Fake moan,
fake moan.
21.
I don’t know
if these moans sound natural or not.
22.
I need a
cigarette can you just hurry up.
23.
What is that
black mark on my ceiling?
24.
Perhaps I
should flip myself into doggy so that he can’t see my uninterested face.
25.
I just want
a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Get off me.
26.
Did he just
grunt?
27.
It’s not
even over yet and already this is a massive regret.
28.
I can’t wait
to tell the girls this in the group chat.
29.
They’re all
going to laugh at my pain and torment.
30.
Did he
seriously just cum inside me?
I'm dying to know what thoughts have gone through your heads! Comment down below and tell me or tweet me at @JournalistSoph
