One woman opened up and shared with me the heart-breaking truth about being single in her opinion and things got real, fast.
In a society where social media is constantly at our fingertips and you can scroll through viewing happy couple after happy couple things can get a little frustrating. People assume you should ‘work on yourself’ while you’re single but what happens when you have already worked on yourself?
I asked one young woman an array of questions to find out how she truly feels about being single, and she cut the crap and told me exactly how she really feels about it. The woman in question asked to be anonymous as this was very personal to her.
I’ve been single for two years now and I personally hate it. I know someone reading this would give me the generic advice to find myself, be self-confident and love myself. I do all those things, in fact I'm always praised for being independent, self-loving and very sure of myself. Being in love with yourself doesn't mean you don't hate being single. I don't appreciate that attitude that people push into their advice they give me. I'm doing great but I strongly and confidently admit I hate being single!
I miss being in a relationship because I miss the closeness, having a best friend who is also someone you love, I miss regular touch (non-sexual and sexual), I miss having someone to talk to all the time. Yes my friends all provide these things essentially but you cannot argue it’s not the same as a romantic relationship. I miss the romance, intimacy and I guess intensity of liking someone that much. I like having someone special.
I don’t have sex currently. The last time I got "laid" was with my ex which went horribly wrong due to him not caring too much about if I was comfortable. My uneasy sex with him has caused me to sort of run away from it. I don't usually open up about this. Since then my sex drive has plummeted and I find it very hard to feel a sexual way towards anyone. Thus I haven't slept with anyone for this whole time. Friends find it crazy and puzzling how I've managed to do that. They see it as if I’m restraining but I'm not, I just have no urge to follow through. I believe that when I find someone I connect with emotionally, who will make me comfortable, I may start to feel sexually attracted again. I could have casual sex, I have no issues with it, but I know I won't enjoy it, as I'm not connected to that person. Also, if it is just casual sex, the other person probably won't be patient or understanding enough to understand me and how I feel odd about sex.
Last year both my flatmates constantly had their boyfriends round. My best friends are in relationships or seeing someone or at least have an exciting love life. It makes me feel terrible at times. It didn't bug me for a good year but recently I feel I've been single for a long time and that if they're finding people they love so much and having such a great time, why can't I? I'm usually quite unlucky, I tend to get screwed over quite a bit. I think that’s a key part of modern dating however. At times like that I question if there’s something wrong with me. I usually just see it as its probably going to work out when it should work out. Maybe now isn't the time?
However, I don’t worry about being single. It's not a priority for me to have a relationship. It’s not something I want more than success and a good future. But, it would be nice. I don't particularly worry about being single I just find it lonely. I'm surrounded by great friends but it doesn't fill the romantic void. For me it’s less worry and more a lack. I feel like that part of my life is non-existent.
I have a lot of self confidence, at the same time many insecurities. However, I don't let them dominate my thinking when it comes to my self worth. I know my personality is great, that I'd be a good partner! For me that’s what is the most important. When I do talk to guys I like or approach someone I don't think about my looks too much, but I think that’s just me. My confidence is probably my biggest blessing. As for my looks, I'm not 100% happy with them, but who is? I like to believe that my looks are maybe the 10th thing about me, my honesty, integrity, hard work, intelligence are hopefully things people appreciate more. I'm looking for a partner who sees that, not just my face/body.