Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Your sex and relationship questions answered #3

Fabulous examples of porn sites that can teach you how to sexually perform, how to overcome the fear that you’re missing out on picking the right partner, encouraging people to talk openly about sex, and how to choose between two people that you really like – things got serious in this month’s sex and relationship questions and answers.

As you may know, if you’re a top dog reader of mine, or if you’re new to VavaViolet (hello there!) once a month I pick the most interesting sex and relationship questions I get sent and I answer them here, on the blog. All other questions used to get answered on my Curious Cat page which you could scroll through and read as some of them I must admit will have you spitting out your coffee whilst mid laughter or sob at how sad some of them truly are. BUT, Curious Cat was quite frankly shit and the site was always down so you can now find me on Ask FM (click here to go to my profile). On Ask FM you can choose to be anonymous or not so all of the questions below were sent in anonymously. You can also send in your own questions or dilemmas for FREE and I will answer every single one. So if you need some girl advice then girl, I got ya!

The questions

How do I overcome the fear that because I'm young if I pick a partner and am loyal to them I could be missing out on different experiences/dating somebody better?

It’s a little hard to give advice on this without knowing your current relationship status so I will give you my opinion/advice on both.

If you’re single – then don’t panic. You’re not dating anyone right now so you don’t have a big decision to make. What I would do is write down everything I want in a ‘dream partner’. Now, this will be very hard to find but at least it gives you an idea of what you’re after so you don’t waste time with somebody who ticks hardly any of those boxes. If you’re using dating sites such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish make it clear on your profile what you’re looking for in a partner. For example, if you want to date a non-smoker put that in your bio, there is no point wasting their time and yours. It’s okay to be picky after all you have to put up with this person. If you truly think you can find somebody ‘better’ and more suited for you then keep looking. Like you said you’re young so there is no rush.

If you’re taken already – If you’re already in a relationship then that is a completely different story. If you even have that fear then they’re not right for you. I have been exactly in those shoes where I have been in a relationship and I just knew they weren’t right for me and I could be suited to someone else much better. So I ended those relationships and learned that you have to really get to know somebody before you get into a relationship with them. With my current boyfriend, we spent awhile getting to know each other before we said we were together. I wanted to make sure I loved him before I devoted my loyalty and time to him. I also wanted to make sure we would get along, had a lot in common and could spend more than a couple of days together. Now I don't even think about wanting or being with anyone else, it doesn't even cross my mind to go out and be my old slaggy self (no slut shame here, do your thing, ladies). So if you are having this fear in your relationship then they are just not the person for you I'm afraid. Take my advice from if you were single and make sure you’re picky and know what you want before you date again so that you don’t waste your time or theirs.

Also, it is fine to be single. If you want to have fun and have ‘experiences’ then you do just that. But make sure you’re safe and protected *cough* condom *cough* take contraception *cough*.

Are there any porn sites out there that could teach me about sex and how to do it? Are they all just fantasies and step dads fucking?

I did laugh at the last bit of your question and sadly the majority of porn sites are filled to the brim with vulgar porn and videos that most (well hopefully most people) would find disturbing such as incest porn and involving animals, which is beyond disgusting and cruel. However, there are porn/erotica sites out there that do have morals and create and produce videos that are tasteful and resemble real life sex. is my favourite. The videos are so tasteful and are not vulgar at all. It resembles what sex is actually like compared to your mainstream porn. Of course, you still get your threesome videos etc which aren't 'traditional' sex and are a fantasy but nether the less if you want to learn how to give head I'd check that site out.

I love how you encourage people to talk openly about sex and their kinks, just everything to do with sex. My friends hate how open I am, how can I encourage them to be open about it?

First off, thank you so much! I'm afraid you can't change how your friends are. It is perfectly fine that they're not open and don't want to talk about sex you can't force them to. I take it they have told you they hate how open you are? If this is the case then maybe they are just not the right friends for you. I know this isn't what you want to hear but you either love them anyway or move on and make new friends.

How do I choose between two people I really like? I know it’s bad but currently, I’m dating two people at the same time. Help?

It's bad... but I've been exactly in your shoes ha. I dated both for a good couple of months until I realised who I wanted to be with. I was 16 and I have learned a hell of a lot since then. you're going to hurt both of them or at least one so be prepared to deal with that, it never ever ends well. Write a pro and con list for both of them, who do you have more in common with? Who you closer to? Who do you feel more comfortable around? I'm afraid only you can answer those questions and make a decision. But I always find a good list helps!

If you have any advice for the ladies that sent in these questions please do leave them down below!


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