Monday, 3 July 2017

How to grow some balls and get the sex that you've always dreamed about

So, you want to experiment with sex but you're shy, you want to do the deed with a stranger in a club but you can't even muster a ‘hello’ let alone spreading your legs, you want to test out some new waters with your partner but you're too nervous to ask? Leave it to us, we’ll have you getting laid in no time. 

I’ll start by telling you a tale, one that started with a serious lack of self-esteem, a box of Kleenex and more sex toys than I've had hot dinners. I was a young naive soul and I’d just been dumped. So, in true cliché style, I spent over £100 on Ann Summers and ate a tub of Ben and Jerry’s while watching rom-com's (got to be done). When I say I had low self-esteem I don't mean that I was shy, I've never been shy, I chat my head off to everyone I meet. But I felt ugly, and I felt like every guy I met thought I was ugly too. I think looking back my whole teenage life I was massively insecure but because I was in a relationship and didn’t have to chat to guys or have the fear of being rejected I never realised how insecure I was until I became single. So I moped about for months and anytime a guy approached me on a night out I’d just walk away.

After awhile one of my friends gave me the talk that I so desperately needed to hear. We were all getting ready to go out to a club and I was in my bubble of self-pity and my friends got fed up I guess. She grabbed me by the shoulders and told me I was getting laid that night and under her watch, I was not going to become a virgin (in our eyes it is possible to become a virgin again, you know if it’s been awhile). I remember staring back at her and in my head, my brain was crumbling. But I smiled and said while holding up a glass of wine ‘lets go get some dick’. The whole taxi ride there I wanted to chunder out the window as my nerves crept up on me. Of course, in those months while I was slowly becoming a virgin again I never lost my sex drive, I lost my confidence but I still wanted to hump like a rabbit on speed.

I think I really got on my friends' tits that night though. I wouldn’t sleep with just anyone. They had to be my type. To clarify, this wasn’t peer pressure from my friends. I wanted to get out there and experiment, I wanted to be a typical 18/19-year-old who had many different experiences to talk about, I wanted to let my hair down. Towards the end of the night, I spotted a guy, just my type, so I did that typical girl thing where you look at them and pull that kind of half-smile that says ‘come do me’. From that night onwards if I saw someone out and about that, I fancied I just went for it – unless they beat me to it. Life is too short and dull to not get laid when you want to get laid.

What about rejection? What about it? I’m not vain, not one tiny bit, but I know my self-worth, I’m content with how I look now, my personality is a bit shit but it’s not completely awful. I’ve been rejected a few times, especially on Tinder Social. Quite a few guys picked on my hair and nose. One even told me I looked like Gail out of Coronation Street – now if I can deal with that then you can face rejection too.

You have to take life in your hand and take it in the moment otherwise you will never live. Tell me, would you not apply for a job because of the fear of rejection? Of course, you wouldn’t, you would apply and hope that you get an interview. So do the same when you want to ask someone out on a date, when you want to ask someone to dance, to ask someone to come home with you, when you want to ask your partner to try something new in the bedroom, if you want to ask someone something just do it. It’s not worth having regrets.

I’m glad my friends encouraged me to get out there and make the most of being single. I had two years of amazing sex and god damn awful sex, I have so many funny memories, I even became good friends with one guy after doing it and now have a friend for life, and I have some bloody brilliant stories to share if I ever have a hen night, or to tell my grandchildren if I have them while they sit there screaming ‘nan stop that’s gross’ while I laugh with my fake teeth in my dope ass armchair. 

Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman.

Are you struggling being single? Unhappy sexually in your relationship? Send us your dilemmas to and one of the team will give you free advice and a girly chit chat.

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