Wednesday, 30 August 2017

How to ease your nerves when hooking up with guys with more sexual experience than you


Sometimes I can smell them a mile off, but often you come across them bragging on Tinder about how many back doors they’ve slammed in, how high their count is, or what they can do with their tongue piercing.

But we’re not here to chit chat about the deadness that is Tinder, I guarantee any guy on their saying ‘I’ve f*cked so many birds’ probably has no idea how to locate the clit. We’re talking about true sex gods. The ones who politely say to you something along the lines of ‘I have slept with quite a few people prior to you, is that a problem?’ I’m talking about the guy you’ve gone on a few dates with, the guys that don’t show off about it, but you know this guy has hooked up with a hell of a lot more people than you. What do we do with these guys?

Up until last year every guy I’d slept with had slept with less, or more or less the same amount of people as me. But last spring I saw an older man for a couple of months and he had slept with perhaps triple the amount of people as me. He’s been breathing a lot longer than me so obviously he had more experience, and even though I’m sexually confident I was still sh*tting a brick. I’m usually very relaxed when it comes down to getting on it, it’s like riding a bike or going swimming, but for some reason when it’s with someone with A LOT more experience than myself I freeze up.

I don’t care that they’ve shagged all the girls in their university hall or half of the people they went to school with, the emotional side of it doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is this thought ‘what if I’m his worst shag ever?’.

We always talk about ‘how to get confident’ and there are thousands of articles and books out there that will teach you how to get confident but lacking confidence in the bedroom is a very real thing that isn’t talked about enough. For me last spring stressed me the f*ck out. I went from being sexually self-assured to panicking that if I didn’t suck dick good enough I’d be ripped apart in a group chat with the lads. Now, this guy, let’s call him Paul* was very lovely and would never have done that to anyone - especially a woman - but that was my paranoia.

A year later I’ve conquered that fear and I now embrace a sexually experienced partner, because let’s be real, they know what they’re doing and the likelihood of the sex being great is very high so enjoy the moment. You don’t need to sleep with 1,000 men to gain this confidence but you do need to think of the situation in a different light.

This ladies, and gentlemen, is how to not freak out when f*cking someone with a lot of sexual experience:

1.     It’s all about your mentality on the situation. Stop thinking about how this is a negative situation and see the positives. This person might be able to teach you a few things, or show you the best time of your life. What if they’re the first person to make you orgasum? Or they end up being ‘the one’?
2.     Don’t drown in paranoia. So, what if you’re his or hers worst shag ever? Who honestly cares. If this person cares about you they will show you what they like and they will help you discover what you like in the bedroom too. They won’t go around mocking you to their friends and if they do, lets be real, they’re a dick and you can do better.
3.     Make yourself feel good. If you’re already lacking confidence because of their experience then there is no harm in upping your confidence - and no, I don’t mean go and quickly sleep around before Fred* comes over to finger you. Buy some raunchy lingerie, spritz your favourite perfume, pamper yourself, and just do what makes you feel damn good.
4.     Have the talk. This may be obvious but tell this guy/girl that you’re nervous. You never know they could be feeling the same way and it could lift both your egos.
5.     Ask him what he likes sexually. Before you get down to it ask him in a normal conversation what he likes in bed so that you can prep yourself. If he tells you he likes his balls being sucked but you’ve never placed a testicle in your mouth then you have time to do some research. But remember, you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing.



Written by VavaViolet’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman.



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