Wednesday, 23 August 2017

The problems with getting engaged young

Just twenty years old, recently engaged, blinged up with a ring, diamond making your Instagram glisten, but what is it really like getting engaged so young?
VavaViolet's Managing Editor Jessica Murray, 20, explores what she thinks the problems are, after recently getting engaged herself.
On my birthday this year, my better half proposed and I must say it was beautiful. So why was I suddenly filled with panic that I would face a lot of backlash for getting engaged at the mere age of 20? It is something I couldn’t prepare for. 
I am the first of my friends to get engaged and my family have been really supportive and are genuinely excited for me but it got me thinking, why is there such a stigma surrounding people getting engaged or being married young?
  1. Will it last? – Now I know what you’re all thinking, it won’t last, it is lust taking control over love. However, I think age doesn’t determine your maturity. If I want to commit at this age to someone for the rest of my life why is it in your interest to remind me that 42% of marriages end in divorce!
  2. Pregnancy – I don’t know how many times I have had to defend myself when picking up a glass of rose. Judgemental eyes peering into your soul with the words ‘should you be drinking that in your condition’, what condition is that please post engagement bliss. I am not pregnant, I am not an irresponsible soon to be mother!
  3. Justification - People are always asking why? I feel like the constant barrage of questions are met with the same wet and boring answer ‘because I love him…’ and that doesn’t seem to ever cut it. Apparently, it isn’t convincing enough that I am willing to only shag one person for the rest of my life, and no, the likelihood is it won’t be the only dick I see until the day I die, I have Tumblr!
  4. Planning - Everyone begins to get slightly excited at the prospect of us actually getting married, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. If you want me to have an incredible day let me plan and do it in my own time. There are so many things to consider before you have to pressure me into putting Auntie Carol on table 10. I have a whole heap of stuff to think about. Venue? Date? Dress? Cake?
  5. Entourage – This is a very fragile time when friends throw themselves at you begging to be a part of the wedding party. No-one realises the stress of trying to narrow down who is going to be part of the team. It is like planning for the masses, everyone is keen but don’t people please, and on a wild night out offer to pay for everyone’s dresses, shoes and accommodation and end up with 150 willing bridesmaids. 
  6. Terrible Two’s -. I hate being described as ‘so-and-so’s fiancĂ©e’. I am still a person too, equally so are they. You can still ask about how I am getting on just because we are engaged doesn’t mean we are always together, so him being out for a drink with the boys and me being out with the girls doesn’t mean we are splitting up. Doing everything together constantly may have worked for the Olsen Twins but it doesn’t work for me.
  7. Perfection - No my life isn’t perfect now I have a ring on my finger, arguments don’t magically stop and we both still are individual people with our own thoughts and ideas. Apparently, the ring on my finger meant I had to hang up my rights to have a whine every now and again? Husbands can’t fix things like job problems, elections and the cost of living.
  8. How old are you? – The judgement is always going to be there but realistically, if I was a medieval woman I would have been married and had children by the age of 18 (probably even younger).

Both photos were taken by Kevin Lines. Check out kevin's portfolio for some beautiful shots or if you're looking for a terrific photographer! -

I have no regrets and I don’t believe I ever will, once people get over the initial shock they generally accept it. My grandparents met at 15 and were married at 18 and they have an epic love story, so why can’t that happen now without judgement? This wasn’t a problem for them so I will not allow it to be a problem for me!

Written by VavaViolet's Managing Editor Jessica Murray. 

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