Friday, 16 February 2018

50 weird thoughts I had while watching Fifty Shades Freed


I finally lost my Fifty Shades Freed virginity but with that came a lot of sexual and odd thoughts - while I was too busy biting my lip to munch on my £8 popcorn.


  1. I am so having sex while chained to a bed with this playlist on in the background.
  2. I wonder what part she is wearing the super glued thong on?
  3. Did he seriously cum that quick?
  4. I’m not settling for any man that isn’t like Mr Grey. 
  5. I need to Google what car that is. 
  6. I can’t believe I’m this horny in a bloody cinema. 
  7. Need to buy a bed with a headboard like that. 
  8. Her car is actually the colour of shit. 
  9. DRAG HER MRS GREY! 
  10. Please for the love of God slap that smirk off her f*cking face.
  11. Can the next sex scene just hurry up already? 
  12. Is his penis actually inside her?
  13. Why don’t I have sex like that? 
  14. Why is she moaning that much before he’s even penetrated? 
  15. My nipples are erect and are rubbing on my f*cking bra. 
  16. The shower scene, just, the shower scene.
  17. Does he always watch her sleep?
  18. Please don’t cum so quickly this time. 
  19. Being ‘punished’ doesn’t seem so bad. 
  20. I. Need. A. Play. Room. 
  21. Is my friend biting her lip?
  22. I wonder what they use to clean their sex toys. 
  23. Do their housekeepers clean their sex toys?
  24. It’s a shame that I own so much kinky sh*t but it doesn’t get used. 
  25. I hope she f*cks her bodyguard. 
  26. Also, how does her fringe stay so perfect?
  27. There are not enough sex scenes. I want a refund. 
  28. I want someone to lick Ben and Jerry’s ice cream off of me.
  29. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who laughs during sex.
  30. I wonder if she got his chest hair in her mouth. 
  31. The size of that diamond made my fanny flutter. 
  32. Did she wear a butt plug to the office? 
  33. How did she keep it in her arse?
  34. Why are they panicking so much they can afford like a hundred nannies? 
  35. Why did she step in the shower with a full face of makeup on? 
  36. What a f*ck boy. They're all the same.
  37. Personally, I would have asked for more than five million. 
  38. Now that’s what you call parallel parking. 
  39. JUST GIVE HER THE MONEY.
  40. Too much action, not enough sex. 
  41. Please f*ck on the piano.
  42. FINALLY A SEX SCENE. 
  43. Well, that was, short.
  44. I better have sex this frisky with my future husband. 
  45. When I leave here I need to Google 'is Jamie Dorman married?'
  46. Even if he is, maybe I can break up his marriage.
  47. Mrs Dorman, you can leave now.
  48. Out of all the Fifty Shades films, this is the driest I have been downstairs.
  49. I know what I’m going to dream about later.
  50. Maybe love isn’t so bad after all.

Have you seen the film yet? I'd love to know your thoughts in the comments!


Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman.


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