Wednesday, 14 March 2018

What you need to know before you lose your virginity and how to talk to your child about it


Perhaps the most personal thing I have ever shared on the internet but this is for the people out there who are too scared to talk to their parents/seek help, or if you’re just nosey then hey!

Why is there such a cloud of judgement and stigma surrounding the topic of losing our virginities? It’s as natural as breathing, walking, talking yet we’re shamed into not talking about it? Yes, we all have different opinions on the subject but whether you’re ready to lose your virginity or you’re waiting for marriage – you do YOU. Forget about everyone else, f*ck what people think but it’s not at all like walking or breathing, you need to get educated before you explore sexually and that is what this article is going to be about.

I filmed a YouTube video sharing the story of how I lost my virginity (and when) and some tips for those of you who are still virgins. Watch it HERE. But this post is where I wanted to gather my thoughts on the subject and hopefully educate some youngsters (I see my analytics, I know all the ages who read this site so I do have a duty of care to make sure you’re safe and I take that very seriously).

That links into my first point, the stigma surrounding talking about sex to people over the age of 11/12 (the age you start secondary school). To the parents reading this, I know it’s scary, I know that’s young, I agree that it feels strange to talk to such a young person about sex but I’m sorry, the reality is they probably already know about it by that age nowadays.

There are references to sex everywhere we look, in adverts, on the TV, in films, magazines, blogs, YouTube, all over the internet, everywhere. Because of this, older children/teens become curious about it sooner than you did in your day.

For example, I remember the first time someone told me what sex was and it wasn’t my parents. It was in Year 4/5 (about 8/9 years old) and a boy in my year group found out about it and told a group of us at lunchtime. He came across porn on the internet.


 If you’re a parent reading this, parent, however you feel, is best for your child. Personally, if I have children I will make sure they feel comfortable enough to come to me for advice or I will sit their arse down at the kitchen table and teach them about safe sex, consent, STIs and pregnancy whether they like it or not – but that’s just my choice because I know how sh*t sex education is at school. Let’s be real, did any of us actually listen or did we all just sit there giggling at the word ‘penis’ while our teacher wished the ground would swallow them?

I explain in my YouTube video how old I was and what I did to make sure I was safe but here are the things YOU need to think about/do before you do ANYTHING sexual:

·       First things first, you need to make sure you are ready. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and they tell you they’re ready don’t just do it to please them out of fear that they will dump you. Let them dump you, they’re a piece of sh*t if they do that anyways.

·       Remember that consent is always non-negotiable. No means, no. If your partner does not want to have sex do not make them feel guilty for that, blackmail or push them into it. This counts for every single time you have sex. You can be married and no still means NO.


·       Visit your local clinic or if you feel comfortable doing so, speak about it to your parents. Personally, I walked into the clinic, sat down in front of a lady and blurted out “I’m ready to have sex”.

To be honest, I was young so I was expecting her to shout at me or fall off her chair. Instead, she calmly nodded, pulled out a couple of leaflets and taught me how to put a condom on – I ended up being shocked.

I signed a form saying that I did not want my parents to be contacted or for letters to be sent home and they legally have to abide by that wish. I listened and took in everything she said. She put me on a contraceptive pill (the one I’m still on now), gave me condoms and gave me all the advice and information I needed.

She taught me about STIs, how important condoms and other contraception was and why it’s needed. You NEED to visit a clinic to get professional advice before. Don’t just go by this article, get your arse to the clinic/your GP.

·       BUT, there are some little things she didn’t tell me. Such as, it might hurt and you might bleed. Be prepared for this. Everyone is different some people don’t bleed but just in case, put a towel down. She also didn’t teach me how to have sex (obviously that would have been weird). Everyone I know used porn as a way to learn how to ‘do it’ but lemme tell you, it’s not going to be like porn the first time. It’s okay to not know what to do, I promise you, it’s human nature and it will come naturally.

There are some really scary articles out there about falling pregnant and STIs so I have linked some below that are educational and suitable for all ages.
To learn about sexually transmitted diseases (STIs) click HERE.
To read about the importance of condoms and how to use one click HERE regarding other contraception it is best to speak to your GP/a clinic as every individual is different.
AND for advice on how to talk to your child about sex, give this article on the NHS website a visit - click HERE.



If you have any questions, want to share your story or advice then please do so in the comments!



Written by VavaViolet’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman.


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