Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is one of the worst nightmares you can live and sadly, most of us experience this hell every damn day.
Recently I’ve hit rock bottom in regard to my self-confidence due to how I feel about my body. I’ve turned down nights out clubbing thanks to it. I’m 21. It struck me last night just how sh*t I feel when my friends suggested clubbing after a meal out and I said I couldn’t go when really it was just my confidence getting in the way. I also realised that I overly drink and intoxicate myself on a night out so I can block out these thoughts but weirdly, I hadn’t even noticed that I was doing it.
It’s ironic really that I’ll
down two/three bottles of wine and a couple of cocktails/shots so I can feel
better about myself when actually I’m making myself unhealthier in the process.
But the saddest thing is I am
slowly losing weight (1 to 2 pounds a week) yet I still put so much pressure on
myself and I’m still not happy. Why? Because it’s frustrating not seeing fast
results but I’m also not a complete idiot. If I cut out all my favourite foods
(lasagne is life) or don’t eat for a couple of days then I know I’ll crumble
and stop a diet altogether. Instead, I’ve been taking it slow and I’ve been
keeping the weight off, slowly losing but also now and again treating myself.
A year ago, I lost a stone
pretty quickly because I would only eat five days a week and literally only
drink water for two days. Sure, the weight dropped off like flies but it
quickly came back. After I stopped that diet in a space of three weeks I’d
gained 8 pounds and I crumbled. I stopped doing that diet because I was
starting to really enjoy the feeling of being so hungry that it hurt so I had
to nip it in the bud pretty fast. I have an addictive personality so I do have
to watch myself closely but I’m glad that I’m wise to it. It was only then, and
after much research, that I learned that losing weight slowly and healthy was
the best way to keep it off.
I put so much pressure on
myself that I actually end up losing motivation. I could be doing well in life,
for example, my career, eight-year-old Soph dreamed that I’d be a journalist by
the time I was 20. I accomplished that yet I’m still pissed at myself because I
didn’t make a million pounds by the age of 21. You know why I didn’t? Because I
didn’t try to make a million pounds. I’m pissed at myself for not being slim
and toned yet I’ll have three McDonald’s in a week because the bloody Monopoly
has come back lol.
I and you can moan all we
want about our failures but if you don’t work for it every damn day then it’s
not going to happen. Quit slacking off your uni lectures, meal prepping, doing
your homework etc and do it. Sometimes, like I did, you have to hit rock bottom
to realise that it’s your fault. If I hadn’t of drank all that alcohol and ate
McDonald’s three days last week I’d be closer to my goal.
I just uploaded a video to my YouTube channel ‘Vavaviolett’ where I get deep about body image, self-confidence and “boys standards”. Grab a cuppa and give it a watch if you’re feeling a little down as it might just help. Click HERE to watch to view below.
What’s your take on these
issues? Do you struggle? How did you find happiness? Any tips? Let me know in
the comments!
Written by VavaViolet’s
Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman.
