Hitting rock bottom: Body image issues, self-confidence and "boys standards"

Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is one of the worst nightmares you can live and sadly, most of us experience this hell every damn day.

Recently I’ve hit rock bottom in regard to my self-confidence due to how I feel about my body. I’ve turned down nights out clubbing thanks to it. I’m 21. It struck me last night just how sh*t I feel when my friends suggested clubbing after a meal out and I said I couldn’t go when really it was just my confidence getting in the way. I also realised that I overly drink and intoxicate myself on a night out so I can block out these thoughts but weirdly, I hadn’t even noticed that I was doing it.

It’s ironic really that I’ll down two/three bottles of wine and a couple of cocktails/shots so I can feel better about myself when actually I’m making myself unhealthier in the process.

But the saddest thing is I am slowly losing weight (1 to 2 pounds a week) yet I still put so much pressure on myself and I’m still not happy. Why? Because it’s frustrating not seeing fast results but I’m also not a complete idiot. If I cut out all my favourite foods (lasagne is life) or don’t eat for a couple of days then I know I’ll crumble and stop a diet altogether. Instead, I’ve been taking it slow and I’ve been keeping the weight off, slowly losing but also now and again treating myself.

A year ago, I lost a stone pretty quickly because I would only eat five days a week and literally only drink water for two days. Sure, the weight dropped off like flies but it quickly came back. After I stopped that diet in a space of three weeks I’d gained 8 pounds and I crumbled. I stopped doing that diet because I was starting to really enjoy the feeling of being so hungry that it hurt so I had to nip it in the bud pretty fast. I have an addictive personality so I do have to watch myself closely but I’m glad that I’m wise to it. It was only then, and after much research, that I learned that losing weight slowly and healthy was the best way to keep it off.

I put so much pressure on myself that I actually end up losing motivation. I could be doing well in life, for example, my career, eight-year-old Soph dreamed that I’d be a journalist by the time I was 20. I accomplished that yet I’m still pissed at myself because I didn’t make a million pounds by the age of 21. You know why I didn’t? Because I didn’t try to make a million pounds. I’m pissed at myself for not being slim and toned yet I’ll have three McDonald’s in a week because the bloody Monopoly has come back lol.

I and you can moan all we want about our failures but if you don’t work for it every damn day then it’s not going to happen. Quit slacking off your uni lectures, meal prepping, doing your homework etc and do it. Sometimes, like I did, you have to hit rock bottom to realise that it’s your fault. If I hadn’t of drank all that alcohol and ate McDonald’s three days last week I’d be closer to my goal.

I just uploaded a video to my YouTube channel ‘Vavaviolett’ where I get deep about body image, self-confidence and “boys standards”. Grab a cuppa and give it a watch if you’re feeling a little down as it might just help. Click HERE to watch to view below.