Wednesday, 6 February 2019

Things I learned from going through the ‘hoe phase’ | Editor’s letter

Sometimes changing your hair and eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s doesn’t even come close to closure, hence the ‘hoe phase’ begins.

Whether you had your heart broken, was ugly in school and had a glow up or just straight up became addicted to the only free drug there is, more of us go through the phase than we feel confident enough to admit.

Annoyingly we were born with vaginas which means if we sleep around we’re whores but now that we’re verging on equal pay across the board (in the UK at least), have a female PM and Tesco have cut tampon tax, I think it’s time we can laugh about our hoe phase just like the guys do.

It hit me the other day when I and two friends were discussing sex in a coffee shop which was empty at 7pm that women are embarrassed by having a little fun in the bedroom. Two boys came in and were literally talking about a girl one of them had hooked up, yet my friends fell silent?

Personally, as long as it’s safe and between two consenting adults then do whatever you damn well, please.

You’re simply sex-positive, not a whore

I will confess that I lack any sort of social filter and my morals are slightly out of whack compared to most I confine in. However, it really isn’t something to be ashamed of and instead of being a whore, you are simply sex-positive. And that is lesson number 1…

You will never have good sex until you learn to please yourself

Sleep with as many men as you want in a bid to find someone who is in good in bed, but the truth is, any man who is willing to listen and do what YOU like in bed, is going to end up blowing your mind. Sex isn’t the time for communicating unless it’s dirty as f*ck (if that’s your thing) so it’s key to discuss it beforehand. Have an open conversation, tell them what you like, show them gifs of positions you like or want to try, browse Ann Summers etc, just talk about it. Or, show them exactly how you like to be touched. Life changing to be honest.

Try not to judge too harshly and be respectful

Most of the hoe phase is one-night stands or back in the day, Tinder hook-ups. People get nervous, are so drunk they can’t get it up or haven’t tidied their shit pit of a room because they weren’t expecting company.

If you’re one of those people who goes around saying ‘he/she was shit in bed’ then you’re just a dick. They could be a James Dean in the bedroom but just having an off day. Keep it to yourself or if you want to giggle about it with your friends just don’t drop names. 20-year-old Soph will never forget the day a one-night stand (who turned out to be psychotic) came up to her in the pub fuming that she’d said he has a one-inch wonder. It’s not worth the fuss or hurting someone’s feelings.

You will meet a whole host of characters and kinks – some even scary

From the guy who asked if he could “release,” his fetish then screamed at me calling me a c*** while I pushed him off (yes, his fetish was demeaning women), to the guy who made Mr Grey seem like a saint, to the butt stuff guy. Always tell a friend where you are going, turn Find My Friends on or at least make sure one person knows.

But most importantly, don’t be ashamed and don’t spend your one life on this planet having sh*tty boring sex.

Written by VavaViolet’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman.



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