Thursday, 7 November 2019

Dating struggles when you don’t want kids and a month of expert love advice | Editor’s Letter




I openly confess I don’t want kids and in the dating market, it appears to have made me a fuck and chuck option. 

It’s not that I despise children, I can’t wait to be an aunty and be there for my friend’s kids but having my own just isn’t going to happen.

For two years I’ve been single and enjoyed the classic ‘finding myself’ way of life which is a check box I can successfully tick. I now know what I want in life, who I am and who I have grown to be. However, this means I’ve found a certainty in not wanting kids and it’s caused a whole host of problems in regards to my dating life. 

At first it wasn’t an issue as the conversation of wanting kids typically comes up after awhile but then it became heartbreaking when I’d become attached to someone only to discover they couldn’t start something with someone who didn’t see children in their future - of course, completely understandable but still frustrating to say the least. 

Or you have your partner shouting ‘you’ll change your mind one day and wants kids’ or the dreaded ‘your selfish for taking that away from your partner’, well, this is why I decided to end those relationships very soon after those conversations so they didn’t waste their time and neither did I.

The most recent altercation was a few months ago where he proceeded to tell me that as Paris Hilton had changed her mind, so will I. 

So, I began telling people I didn’t want kids much earlier on and very casually dropping it into a conversation on one of the first few dates. I lied, I would drop it slyly into a first date because 2019/20 is not about wasting my time, ladies. 

As the majority want kids, I’m no longer an option to them and instead become a ‘fuck and chuck’ sort of meal deal. And to be frankly honest, I’m bored of swallowing other people’s potential kids. 

Dating in your twenties is hard enough but when you throw a spanner in like this, it really can make you feel extremely undesired and abnormal. 

On top of our issues in the 21st century world of dating (which include, basically living in our work places, having very little time as we all strive to be ‘girl bosses’ etc) we also have Cuffing Season which hits our calendars and our guts on November 1st.

And that’s why the team at VavaViolet Magazine have dedicated November to being filled with exclusive dating advice from leading experts such as the CEOs of the dating apps you’re already swiping through.

From ‘How to Survive Cuffing Season’ (being published on Tuesday, November 19), ‘The sex toy that will make you orgasm in 20 seconds flat’ (going live on Friday, November 22), ‘Dating advice for people who don’t want kids’ (November, Wednesday 20) and  ‘Masturbation tips to please our single souls’ (coming Wednesday, November 27) we’ve covered it all for you.

To keep up to date with these features you can like our facebook page ‘VavaViolet Magazine - where women can own their sexuality’ or our Twitter and Instagram accounts ‘VavaVioletMag’.

Let’s fucking own Cuffing Season for the shit storm it is!



Written by VavaViolet’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief Sophie Blackman. 

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