Tuesday, 7 July 2020

If you want to be successful you do not have time for bullshit - Editor's Letter | Opinion

Success. A funny concept really that can mean many things but in today's society, there are silly ideologies for it.

Let me start by saying, success is personal. Extremely so. What you may deem as successful may not be for someone else, and vice versa.

To me, the S word means quite a few things.

Achieving success for me would be conquering the following, being able to help my family out financially, continuing to not live pay-cheque to pay-cheque, climbing the corporate ladder, surrounding myself with good like-minded friends and family, and being so mentally strong that I can take on the whole damn world.

Then I want to quite literally take on the whole world. I want to continue growing and learning from the journalists around me. I want to help people's voices be heard.

I want billionaires to fear my byline.

That is the dream but I am very aware success comes with growth. And I have a hell of a lot of growing to do.

It sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? Like, fuck me, I've got to do all of that??

But that's completely and utterly incorrect.

Let me explain. You're looking at success wrong if you think like that.

I'm already more successful than I was five years ago, a year ago, last week. Because I work for my success, every single day in one way or another.

If I feel motivated I push myself to my limits and will write all day with little breaks. But some days I want to get drunk with my friends and ruin my life, or I want to lay in bed all day being a slob watching Netflix.

I let myself do all three, whenever I feel like it. In my spare time, if I want to chill, I let myself chill guilt-free. Because when I work on something I’m passionate about, I work very hard.

This means I quite literally have no time for bullshit.

I do not have time for shitty friends. I certainly do not have time for an awful partner. I most defiantly do not have time to be disrespected in absolutely any given situation.

If my future husband says he wants a divorce, I will politely help him pack his bags and be merry with our prenup. 

If a lifetime friend cuts me off I will wish them well. I will face break-ups like an adult. I'll move on to the next chapter.

And as a creative, I will never work for free. That's for certain.

I won't get bitter. I don't have the time.

So I ask you, do you? Do you really have time for that? Because I bet you're putting up with one or two or all of them...

An incredibly silly thing to do but also understandable. We get comfy... don't we? We get all cosy in poor relationships, too scared to end a friendship that you don't really vibe with, too damn scared to ask for that raise.

Please stop being scared. Learn not to give a fuck. Get ready to pounce, and then go and get your plate of success.

No one is going to look after you more than you can look after yourself. So you have to do it well and you have to start now.

You are your everything. Be kind to yourself. Because if you do, your world will light the fuck up.

Then, after a period of time, a beautiful thing happens. You get stronger and then you get so mentally strong that you can start to help your loved ones. But you have to love yourself before you can really love anyone else.

Maybe I have always been who I am, maybe I haven't changed, maybe I just started to love myself.

I'm not sorry to say, you do not have time for bullshit right now if success and loving your life and self is on your mind. 

You must put yourself first. It is not selfish, its survival and you deserve to live.

What I mean by that is, if you continue in this headspace of negativity, doubt and feeling sorry for yourself, then what are you expecting?

Is success going to just arrive on your doorstep in a neat little box with a bow? No! No, absolutely not.

I've been in that hole before. I let myself stop gunning for my success years ago and for me, it took being signed off work for two months in September last year to make me realise, I wanted to fight.

For years I didn't want to talk or be heard anymore. But that’s no longer the case. 

I'm stronger than I've ever been and I am quite literally wide-awake and extremely alive now. 

But, most importantly to remember is my journey is still continuing as I never want to enter that mindset ever again. I'm choosing to go to war with myself now.

2020 has in the most bizarre way, made me come alive. Before coronavirus and Black Lives Matter, I kept my opinions to myself. I stayed quiet hoping someone else would speak up because it all seemed too controversial to me. 

I wanted a drama-free life, to be honest with ya. I wanted nothing more than peace. I just got drunk and lived in a bubble (and also the pub).

But that's not me, is it? The real Sophie can handle shit with class, grace and a lot of spunk. Eight-year-old Sophie had a voice. 12-year-old Sophie was a fireball. I wasn't afraid to speak the fuck up. I always spoke up.

So, what changed? Why have I been semi-quiet and complicit with the world around my opinionated arse since I was a young teen?

In all complete honesty, while I’m sure me telling my story might help someone, I don’t want to.

Believe it or not, a lot of my life I will always keep private. I may be a writer and gather inspiration from around me but I would never share anything before considering others' involved.

But what I want you to take from the briefing of my own story is this. I've been to that dark spot at the back of your mind. The one they warn you about. The one we all joke about. The one we're too scared to talk about.

It is hell on earth. I understand you if you're reading this and you're going through it. I want you to know there can be light and happiness again, but you gotta fight with us. 

Those friends reaching out to you, let them help you. Call that helpline, please don't give up. Success and happy times can come. 

Although I still don't feel 100% ready to talk, I'm almost there so that's what has led me to write this Editor’s Letter. And why I am sharing it now, after these two historical events which have led to a heartbreaking and alarming rise of mental health cases.

It’s because last year I decided I wanted the old me back. That fire, that spunk, that excitement for life. I began therapy. I started manifesting again and now I’m back. 

While it wasn't easy and took years, I want you to feel like that too. Even if I don’t know you, yet.

It's also because I want you to know that while these months have been tough, there is help out there. If you reach out to us we here at Vava promise to take the time to find you a professional or someone who can help you. 

So, how does this ramble equate to what you can expect to read on VavaViolet this month? Let me explain.

It hit me that I do have years of writing experience and before, I didn't really bother using that skill to share my true voice. Me. What I'm really thinking.

And I'm not scared to share what I really think about absolutely anything. And neither is my team of bold, brave and talented writers.

Dildo reviews and testing out the new anal beads on the market will never get old for me. It's low key another dream job (I have many). But here on Vava, I want to achieve my next bit of success for me, the team and this brand.

I want to manifest becoming an opinion writer and having this platform for somewhere where people can share their voices. 

I have a voice that I want to share but more importantly, I want to help other's share theirs.

Therefore, if you, or someone you know, would like to have their story shared, please get in touch with us. 

This means you can now expect a lot more opinion pieces on Vava. We're not scared to be loud here anymore.

We hope you enjoy an array of opinion pieces on Black Lives Matter, coronavirus, politics, feminism and everything we feel passionate about.

There will also be our usual light-hearted sex toy reviews, sex tips, happy news, columns and some fabulous fashion posts.

Be kind to yourself in July. Aim to be more successful by the end of it but look after yourself in the process.

We promise not to stay quiet anymore. 

Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman.

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