Saturday, 21 November 2020

120 days of training my mind, soul and body made my dreams come true | Identity Coaching: The final

I've spent the last three months hard at work training and evolving my mind like one would their body in the gym and instead of a personal trainer I had an identity coach by my side - here's what went down...

Welcome back to my Identity Coaching series! I'm actually rather sad that this is the final instalment but it will be the one where I wrap everything up and share what my journey has taught me and done for me personally in a bid to see if it could help you live a better life too.

I want this last instalment to really focus on the lasting effect its had on me as my biggest fear behind getting a coach was, "But will my life return to a world of chaos when it's over?"

As I've said in instalments one, two and three (If you haven't read these I would if you want this to make more sense and give the entire story of what identity coaching is and why I went with it), before hiring Jadie White as my Identity Coach I had gone to therapy and worked on myself a little but I wasn't in love with myself or my life. 

In truth, and especially now we're in a second lockdown if I hadn't of hired Jadie I could have easily fallen back into a depressive state. In fact, hand on heart, I think I would have.

At the start of the first lockdown, I felt my depression creeping back. Almost four months ago I knew I had to do something about it and fast. I knew I had to make massive changes to my lifestyle but I desperately needed help doing so because I was so completely and utterly lost.

In my little head before starting coaching I was so worried, stressed and sad a lot of the time. I never showed it. Never wanted my pain and sadness to hurt those around me. But I think it showed. I drank a lot, gained a lot of weight, and I gave up on my dreams.  

Three months later of coaching and learning valuable life lessons and I feel fucking incredible to be honest with you.

Don't get me wrong, my life is still a shit show full of things I can't control and I have down days like everyone else but I've truly put my pieces back differently this time - and it's truly all thanks to Jadie.

During our very first call, Jadie pin-pointed how her services and time would help me achieve the following:

- Identify and release my limiting beliefs towards myself that are holding me back

- Reprogram my new identity stories of confidence, fearlessness and self-worth

- Learn what my intuition feels like and to learn how to tap into it whenever

- To discover how to honour and action my personal needs and values

- Teach me to express my emotions healthily and make greater connections with people

- Provide me with clarity, direction and motivation to let go of past toxic identities

- Get me back on my aligned path

So, did we achieve all of them? You bet your arse we did!

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We first had to uncover my limiting beliefs. These are the things you tell yourself subconsciously all the time which discourage you. For example, I always told myself I couldn't make more money, that I couldn't lose weight, go vegan, adopt a dog, that I'd never accomplish my dreams. Heck, I even told myself I'd never be happy.

I felt bad for Jadie because I had a very long list of limiting beliefs and awful things I'd tell myself all the time but she helped me work through every single one of them.

People have asked me, 'but how? How did she help you get over your limiting beliefs?'. Jadie trained affirmations into me, basically. Not only affirmations but we looked deeply at how I spoke to myself and we bulldozed that horrific habit and instead she instructed I stand in front of mirrors and speak to myself like I would a loved one.

I read my little affirmation cards and talked to myself in the mirror positively until it became a natural habit which I didn't even have to think about. When they say it takes 21 days to form a habit it's very true.

Due to having Jadie coaching me, talking to me daily and keeping an eye on me, it meant I had to keep practising these tools and all the others. They ended up becoming my lifestyle without me even realising the change in my mindset. 

Now I hold motivational talks with myself on a daily (You might think that's crazy but give it a go), I talk to myself in my head like I would a very dear friend and I read an affirmation card a day without having to force it (I buy mine at TempleOfSunshine.com).

When you start training your mind to enter a positive space that's when success naturally comes to you because you've made space for it - something I told Jadie I was very hungry for.

Now I know I can make a lot of money and I'm seeing more come into my bank, I've lost just over two and a half stone and am continuing my journey happily and at my pace, I've been vegan for three months, my relationships of all kinds are flourishing, I'm happy in myself and where I'm heading and have successfully adopted a dog who quite frankly adores me.

Every day I am my own best friend, lover, cheerleader and it feels like freedom which I haven't even dreamed about before.

This isn't to gloat. This is to prove to you that sometimes this wiggy shit works.

After we shifted my limiting beliefs, we had to quite literally reprogram me with my new found confidence, bravery and massively work on my self-worth.

Being raw, I wasn't expecting this journey to do quite what it did for me. I didn't expect to grow so quickly in so many different areas.

You see, one by one as I kicked my limiting beliefs to the curb a new door opened for me. 

The things I once dreamed about started to happen. I'd call Jadie screaming because I just couldn't believe it but it was also quite overwhelming. Dream-like, to be honest. 

Over the years I've read many books on the Law of Attraction but now I'll preach it until the day I die because it's a fantastic philosophy which, I now believe, is extremely true.

What I focused on attracting, I attracted. Weight flew off the scales healthily and effortlessly, jobs offers came in, new clients were made, relationships with friends and family blossomed, money started coming to me and some of my dreams even started chasing me.

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I say this with a humble heart as I'm extremely grateful my hard work is paying off - because, let's be real, working on your self-development is hard graft. 

And while you're growing I've learnt you have to be your number one cheerleader. You really have got to pat yourself on the back so you keep going. 

Back to topic, the next thing we worked on was my self-worth which was a trickier barrier for me personally. Your self-worth is simply how you let people treat you, how you treat yourself and also how you treat others as that reflects in you.

The Sophie three months ago didn't think she deserved much - if anything at all.

When I sit and look back at how I've treated people and how people have treated me, it does sadden me still. There's no excuse for it but I did use the anger from my misfortunes as a bit of an excuse to turn into a bit of a bastard here and there. I'll be the first to hold my hands up and admit my mistakes as I truly believe that's the only way to learn from them. And fuck me, we're only human all we can do is learn.

I was also shockingly good at letting people I loved treat me like crap. I use to be the kind of person that if I adored you, you could get away with murder. If they were breaking my heart or hurting my feelings I'd stay quiet as to not disturb their peace. And I struggled to let go of people I genuinely loved, even though I knew they never felt the same. 

But this new me isn't wasting time or energy on anything or anyone that doesn't pour into my cup too. 

Thanks to Jadie, I faced my own demons that even therapy couldn't make me face. And that's why I feel such an urge to let others know what Identity Coaching is all about.

Because it made me walk through every single fire that I needed to walk through but couldn't make myself.

Jadie taught me that the best way to break down my self-worth barriers was to face all of my demons and how to do it. 

I had to look at my toxic traits and behaviour straight in the face and check myself. Started to hold myself to account when I fucked up, and boy, I learned a lot.

I have, and will always have, a fiercely opinionated and fiery side to me. I'll never stay quiet when someone says something or does something to hurt another and I'll turn real nasty if I have to.

But this gets me fucking nowhere in life so instead Jadie trained into me how I can turn these negative traits of mine into powerful tools I can call upon when needed.

We discovered that my self-worth was so low because I felt like I had a lot of bad karma that I needed to make up for. Our long and insightful conversations made me deeply realise that I want to make the world a better place. 

I don't want to live in past pain, I don't want to hurt anybody else unless they deserve it and I certainly want to make my family, and myself, proud of me. 

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Jadie and I looked at this troubling issue I have and came up with my first affirmation. In total, we created three affirmations for me to remind myself every single day, they are:

1. I trust my intuition and use it with the best intentions to fight for what I believe in. 

2. I am confident and honest with myself. I do what I love with passion. I deserve good things coming into my life. 

3. I respond calmly, logically and with empathy to every card, I am dealt. 

You will notice these centre around me responding calmly to chaos and that's because it's the thing I needed to work most deeply on. It's still a working progress but every day we take another step.

Once I started feeling more confident with my self-worth, Jadie then taught me the values and art of listening to my intuition.

Your intuition is your higher self. It's the ultimate act of truly and utterly trusting yourself. These days, I tend to only listen to my intuition. I have no care for others' opinions - I trust myself. I know what life I want, I know what decisions I need to be making and I am in control of my mind.

If my body is telling me it doesn't want a night of alcohol, I won't drink. If it's feeling it, you bet I will. If my intuition is telling me someone is bad news, I'm not staying around to find out. If it tells me I've done the right thing, I've done the right thing and I won't stress. If it tells me I need to cut someone off, I will. It tells me to shape up because toxic behaviour is rearing its ugly head, I'll check myself. 

It takes a lot of practice to achieve this. But learning and training this skill has been the most valuable decision I've ever made in my entire life.

Jadie kindly said I picked it up fast and I think that's because deep down I was so desperate to live a better life that I would have done anything so I read many books on it too (Will share, if you request). 

It's important for me to add - I ramble, I know, apologies - that throughout my coaching I also used my spare time to educate myself further on what Jadie was teaching me. I wanted our next conversations to not be repeating the same patterns, I wanted it to be a discussion of how I used the time adapting to using her techniques. 

As they say, if you want something, you better be prepared to work for it.

Throughout our 120 days, Jadie also coached me on how to express my emotions healthily in a bid to make my connections with people greater.

This taught me how to have disputes like a mature adult, how to set boundaries without hurting loved ones' feelings and how to get my opinions and thoughts across with grace.

It's led to all personal relationships in my life being the best they've ever been - and all well balanced too.

The next thing Jadie promised to help me with was to give me clarity, direction and motivation to let go of past toxic identities. 

I will state - I've undergone PTSD therapy previously so thankfully I'd already let go of a lot of my prior toxic identities but it still needed work as we truly are forever growing and adapting.

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Jadie also helped me get back on my aligned path. For this, I wrote an extremely long list of everything my little soul cares about.

We also played lots of little brain games. We needed to find out exactly what I want out of life so we played a game where Jadie read out things like, "I am ready for..." And I'd have a second to say the first thing which came to my mind. I recommend you try it as it helped me realise what I'm here to do on this planet, that's for sure.

Taking a lot of time too deep dive into what my aligned path is has given me a purpose. It's given me something which makes me jump out of bed, make my bed and then run to brush my teeth because I'm excited to start my day.

To wrap this 120 days up I really want to emphasise how amazing Jadie is. To have a client come to you who is a complete train wreck swamped with depression and a bad attitude and to be able to open my mind up as she has done... just wow. Round off applause to Jadie.

Jadie quite literally brought me back to life and I don't say that lightly, she did.

Like I said, I was worried after coaching that I'd return to my miserable little life full of negative self-doubt and chaos but I didn't. 

Her teachings have provided me with a lifestyle that I adore and now I am ready to use them every single day for the rest of my life.

Jadie, you walking angel, thank you.

So, if you're struggling and you just need a kind soul to hold your hand as they bring you back to yourself, I couldn't recommend Jadie White enough.

While this is the last piece of the series, I will be doing a Q&A to answer some questions and to give you the chance to ask any which I may have not answered in the four articles (Please send your questions to vavaviolett@outlook.com).

And remember, if you put your mind to it and you go after it with all you've got, your dreams are reachable too.



Written by VavaViolet's Found and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman. 

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