Sunday, 3 January 2021

Confidence would be worth billions, good thing it's free: How to build the confident skill

If confidence was for sale it would be one of the most sought after and expensive things in the world. So thank goodness you can train it for free and I'm going to tell you how.

Let me start by stating, there are all kinds of confident people however, they all have one thing in common... All of them have paid dearly to master such a character trait. 

I'll be real if you want to be confident you must realise that while it does not come with a cost as such it is awfully and exceedingly hard to train or maintain - nevertheless it's not impossible and you can do it. You're the only person stopping yourself.

You see, confidence comes to us all in different ways. 

Some people appear to be born with a natural glow to them. It's almost as if they came out of the womb knowing everything would be okay.

With this natural confidence comes a lot of people in this world who will want to tear you down and steal it from you. Therefore, for the rest of your life, you have to keep your boundaries and self-respect high so it cannot be snatched.

In existence are also those who may not have been born confident, however, have mastered the skill through the battlefield of life.

Through ruthless wars, frequent failures, savage rejections... you name it. It woke them up and made them realise that if you want to get shit done in this shit show you need to be confident to survive and live life freely on this cruel planet.

But to be blunt, I'm not talking to either of those individuals right now. 

Of course, while I applaud those people (After all, I am one of them. Otherwise I'd be rather daft to lend you such advice) I also firmly believe you can teach and learn the art of confidence. 

In comes, the third type of confident person. The one who calmed the storm, listened and learned how to build their confidence in their own time. 

I've seen it happen many times in my so far rather short life and I'll briefly explain what these confident characters do daily...

They surround themselves with five+ confident people. If you do this you will be the sixth. They constantly read and educate on how to train the skill, if you do too, you will achieve it. These people do not give up and/or have a supportive teacher by their side lending a hand from time to time. And then their biggest talent, they listen to their intuition. If you do, you quite simply are unstoppable.

So, let's get to it, how to build the skill of confidence:

1. Train your body language

It sounds bizarre, I'm aware. How on earth can your physiology make you more confident? Quite simply.

If you stand tall, you will feel tall. Right? So, if you stand with confidence, what do you have? You have what is famously called faking it until you make it.

I advise faking it at first with this tip as it will feel awkward as fuck to start with. Unnatural. Odd. But let it flow. 

Keep standing tall. You will eventually just stand that way and have confident body language without even realising it. 

2. Quit doing all of this negative shit

Being close-minded, seeking validation from others, acting like a know-it-all (admit when you are wrong, and learn), making excuses for everything, blaming others, negative thinking, being a taker, judging, gossiping and bitching about others, worrying what other people think and get the fuck out of old ways and bad habits immediately!

Don't get it twisted, I myself grew up with many of these toxic traits. I am human, as are you. They are normal emotions and behaviours, but 'normal' doesn't make them okay. Now that you know better, do better. That's all we can do, so don't be hard on yourself, just try.

3. Build a positive mind

Listen, I'm going to take a minute before I go into this one, I really am no fool. I know full well you can not just flip a switch and have a positive mind.

Many times on Vava I've mentioned that I, too, have been clinically depressed. I mention this so you can see it is possible to crawl back from the darkness. I rang hotlines, doctors and went through therapy and coaching. I know full well this one takes time. A lot of time and a hell of a lot of hard work.

It takes saving yourself. 

Sounds horrifying but there is no reason you can't do it. I'm a human, you're a human, you're reading this? You clearly care about yourself so magnify it.

If you're fortunate, you will have people around you who can help you with this one. But, if you don't, you're not alone and we will get you there, I promise!

How to build a positive mind? 

1) Start thinking this: You are not your worst enemy. You are your best friend, your most treasured friend in the world, that's you. You're as worthy as her/him, everything nice you tell her/him, you deserve that. Tell yourself. Work on yourself for you! Put all of the energy you put into being nice to others into yourself for a while, see what happens. Google affirmations and say them to yourself in the mirror. The day you make this little change, the day you listen to this voice in your head will be the one your days start looking a lot brighter.

You will have to come back to Vava for more tips on this one, my friend because I need to move onto point 4 but we shall return to building a positive mind very soon.

4. Dig deep

This one, take it as a fun little challenge, requires a pen and notepad. 

Or, your phone notes, if you insist.

I want you to think deeply about all of the times something or someone gave you confidence. 

Write it down, what patterns do you see? Perhaps, well, maybe your 'thing' the big old P 'purpose' will stick out or a key you need.

Really look back at your life, what moments or things make you feel empowered? 

Was it around a certain group of people? Doing a hobby? An activity? 

That date you really made an effort for? The sexy as fuck selfie/nude you took? When you got the promotion? A partner? From reaching your own goals? An environment/setting you were in? 

What were you doing when you felt so empowered and why do you not do it more?

Do it more.

5. Be yourself

This one massively links to point 4 because after you have dug deep, you will see what makes you feel most yourself - in all aspects. 

You will understand that confidence and being yourself comes from not being anybody else, the exact place it stems from is living your true authentic self.

Once you do, you won't care for others opinions. But you must be yourself first to grow it, I'm afraid. Takes bravery. A lot of bravery to be your true self but you'll be a rockstar if ya do.

This means, and it's actually incredibly thrilling, you get to do all of the things you want to do, say and feel (as long as they do not hurt/harm others - stay humble, folks). 

You have the power to be who you want to be. As they say, picture your highest self and show up as him/her.

If you want to do things, do them. What will make you feel most, 'you'? Do it. 

Do it all a lot. Every day. Have fun. Knock yourself out.

Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman.

Instagram: @SophBlackman Twitter: @SophieBlackmann Snapchat: @Sophie_Blackman


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