Saturday, 23 January 2021

I’m going to start telling men they’re sh*t in bed | Opinion



I'll be honest, I am sick to my back teeth of putting on a lingerie set for a man who doesn't even attempt to locate my clit.

So, I don't do that shit anymore. 

Not for men who aren't going to make me scream my lungs out while also being good for my mental health. 

For the ones who do... I'm going to be a right little slut.

This leads me on to the title of this little rant, I suppose one could call it. 

We don't condemn or promote being a bitch for no reason at VavaViolet Magazine. Please do not directly say to someone, 'you're shit in bed' because it's evil. The headline is merely for comedic effect because myself and many women are fed up for numerous reasons.

These are...

Not all men - we're very aware not all males carry out these behaviours (and some women also act like this), but until you have walked this earth with a vagina between your legs (or are trans) your opinions are just that - see women they're not interested in as a walking sex toy.

Now, I want to be very clear on something, casual sex is absolutely fine! 

It is freeing and liberating as long as both parties respect one another as let's face it, planes are not about and people are catching feelings instead.

However, this is the thing. Many guys do not respect their casual hookups. 

Women are seen as crazy if they catch the feels. Maybe, just maybe she's just a nice girl who doesn't sleep about? Perhaps she saw something in your ungrateful arse? Maybe the poor thing was lonely?

Be kind. There's no reason to be a dickhead. Communication, be an adult.

I say be kind and not 'nice' for a reason. Nice will get you walked over, even in the bedroom.

So, ladies, it's time we start laying down the rules.

As a single woman in my twenties, I do understand the frustration (I'm dying inside). Nevertheless, I've been happily single for four years this year and it has been delightful.

It really has. Like anything, it's had its ups and downs, the rollercoaster that life is. However, it's been mostly peaceful and has given much time for dreaming, thinking and personal growth.

Sounds fantastic right? All that time to grow and realise what you want in life. Yes, it's lovely.


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Then comes your next little challenge, you can't find a soul who wants to play with all of the fire behind your eyes and that burning desire keeps you from settling so... Well, then you're fucked.

The lonely stage really kicks in and it's important to remember, and I preach this daily to my friends, what is meant for you will find you and stay.

But no matter how lonely it gets, you must remind yourself that you are not the kind of woman (or man) who just gives her body to anybody anymore who won't care for it like you will for theirs. 

No, sis. We're not doing that anymore - I or you.

Instead, we're working hard on ourselves, our bank balance and our loved ones. We're growing our piles, while sexually frustrated as fuck, but we still working on those stacks.

Work so hard that when a genuine guy pops up and your intuition tells you you can trust him sexually and emotionally (that he's mature enough whether it be a fling, friends with benefits or dating) that you can hop on a fancy lingerie website and buy your own damn set because you don't need him, like the luxurious piece, he's a luxury.

We too to men are luxury items. Sounds bad, it's not - always. If a man sees you and respects you, you will have no doubts because he will bloody make sure you know it (even if subtly). 

As I said, this isn't a bad thing. Men are conditioned that they don't need us to thrive, it's true. They can do it alone. We too can do this shit alone. We're a luxury to each other if we have respect for one another and have a solid foundation of communication.

You feed me, I feed you. You fuck me good, I'll fuck you better - until you're both a sweaty mess.

See what I'm getting at?

If we feed the men, who use our bodies and care not for our emotions or health (STIs exists, people), whatsoever then we do not truly care about ourselves.

And we must care about ourselves, ladies and gentlemen.

When I say tell a man he's 'shit in bed', what I mean is politely tell him you're just not interested anymore if he continues to show little respect after a respectful discussion. 

That's it. That is all you have to do. Don't go being nasty, walk away and work on yourself until you attract what you deserve.

Will it be lonely? Yes.

Will you grow? Yes.

Will you be thankful you were disciplined? Yes.  

Sexually frustrated? Highly likely. 

Keep at the front of your mind that you do deserve better. You really do. But you don't need to harm another soul to get what you want.

The right ones have funny ways of walking into your life.



Written by VavaViolet Magazine's Founder and Editor-in-chief, Sophie Blackman. 


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