Wednesday, 17 February 2021

6 things stopping you from moving on romantically


Breakups are hard no matter what your age, be it your first heartbreak or the end of a long marriage it can feel like your whole world stops. 

Many feel like they will never move on, such will never get better and there will never be anyone else who can replace who they have lost however they may have lost a loved one. 

So many different factors can contribute to why you are perhaps finding the process hard... but you are not alone! 

There are many things we all do that make the problem of moving on even harder and if you want to let them go, you need to say goodbye and riddance to these habits too.

After a failed engagement and now out the other side four years on completely happy in a fresh new headspace, VavaViolet's writer Jessica Murray feels well equipped to give you her advice.

Here are six key things which are likely stopping you from moving on whether you realise it or not...

Taking a photo is a great way to document a memory so you never forget it which equally makes it hard when moving on because many can feel like deleting it, it will get rid of the memory.

No one is saying you should delete the photos/videos unless you want to (unless they are your exes nudes. Delete them) but maybe taking them off of your phone is a good first step. 

That way you’re not accidentally caught off guard when scrolling through bringing up unexpected emotions. 

There will come a time when you’ve moved on and you’ll be able to look back on these as something that happened with someone and appreciate the good time but not long for the person.

It is the age-old saying, "out of sight out of mind" even if you are hell-bent on staying friends with your ex or you need to stay in communication due to children/pets etc, there are other ways to stay in contact rather than being on each other’s social media. 

How often have we been on our phones aimlessly scrolling and two hours later we are down some tangent wormhole on the internet! 

The last place you want them wormhole to be is your exes profile looking at what they’ve been up too without you, the company they are keeping or how they may appear to be moving on when you feel like you’re not. 

Also, you don’t want a good day to be tarnished by them accidentally popping up on your feed. 

If you need to communicate, keep it over one platform such as texting.

People say it just isn’t possible to stay friends with an ex and in some cases, this is completely true as the relationship would just be toxic, however, for others, it can work but it does take time. 

If you're still talking with an ex, it will make it more difficult for you to move on with your life after your breakup as it is a life that they are still a part of. 

Though there are, of course, a number of exceptions and qualities to this, such as if you have children together, just make sure when you’re talking you’re keeping the conversation light and away from topics that concern your relationship.

It is so easy to fall back into old habits and blur the lines, seeing it as more of a business relationship can help to stop that from happening. 

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It is inevitable that family and friends are going to ask how your ex is out of spite and some out of habit. 

This is especially hard if you have mutual friends who just think they are being helpful. 

In a fresh break up it is something for everyone to come to terms with, especially if you’ve been with someone a long time but just make it clear that you don’t really want to talk about it, this avoids awkwardness for you and them repeatedly bringing up the topic. 

Your true friends will understand and family will always have your back (even if you are in the wrong. They will just tell you straight).

Music is a beautiful way to relieve tension and capture exactly how we are feeling at a certain time and is a great way to help us heal, however, this comes with positives and negatives. 

Perhaps avoid the heavy love song playlists or playing songs on repeat that remind you of them, this is destructive and you don’t need to torture yourself.

Find a tune which puts you in a good mood and start afresh. It doesn’t mean you never have to listen to those old songs again it’s just about giving yourself the time to be in a place where you don’t hang on to the words and emotions.

The main person stopping you from moving on is you! 

Maybe you don’t feel worthy, love yourself enough or you just don’t feel like you will ever meet someone else. If you give out the kind of energy, it will be reciprocated.  

You can also end up romanticising the relationship and thinking it was way better than it was, this is your body’s response to being hurt.

Stay patient, you will find someone else and trust again but these things do take time and that time is different for everyone and dependant on individual circumstances. 

Just remember to stay strong you will be happy again one day if you make the daily efforts to put yourself and your wellness first!

Written by VavaViolet's Writer, Jessica Murray.


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