Sunday, 21 February 2021

Dating a writer is a troublesome yet ambitious decision, I can't lie | Opinion

Amongst discussions with fellow writers it has become crystal clear we all have one thing in common: People tend to avoid dating us!

Personally, I can't say I blame folk. I mean, I'm not dating a writer for a reason. I'm not entirely sure if I could put up with it - whilst being one myself. 

Don't get it twisted, we are delightful people to be around. Very simple creatures, really.

We adore peace and quiet, alone time, a stack of books and a hot cup of tea or coffee. Our time is predominantly spent in a book or in our own work so we don't tend to cause many issues.

However, our writing. Whew, that can cause a dilemma or two, or more...

To date a writer, you need three things: Extremely good wit, a desire for adventure and an 'it is what it is' mindset. If you don't have all of those things, you may struggle with us. 

For we're not afraid to be direct or seek a thrill. We're extremely self-aware people and wiser to reality and the world than we portray - and for good reason!

While we live with our heads ducked amongst the pages of our books, do not mistake us for quiet individuals who are afraid to speak up or can be bossed around/controlled, we're not afraid even slightly.

A writer knows if you're playing us and if you have our best interests at heart. Heck, we've clocked it a mile-off. We see it in the way you walk, talk, your body language, your face and in the depths of your eyes.

A good one anyway. One who has reached into the depths of their empathetic nature and clawed it out to the surface will be very hard to date if you're a fool, an arsehole or a tad dull.

So, don't waste their time. I'm saying this on behalf of all of us, to be frank.

Saying that being honest, people wasting our time isn't major stress for us as there is rarely a line queuing up to take a writer out (We don't tend to leave our homes too often).

There is also the other factor of being a writer which makes dating difficult: Folk tend to be scared or off-put by our work.

Many writers not only write from empathy but occasionally pull strings from their own personal lives. This is where things can get tricky if you don't have a partner who is 110% supportive of your craft and talent.

The amount of writer friends who have told me they have had rows over their work etc is crazy to me - even when they have done nothing wrong. 

Unless a man/woman/friend/loved one is supportive of what I do for a living, my hobby and the thing which sets my soul alive they can quite honestly get lost.

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Simply because if people in my life do not understand it, they do not get me. At all. And that is somebody I, and many writers, will not have in our lives.

Again, big clue into why we are difficult to date. Our writing comes first. It has too. We'll go insane if it doesn't and it means the entire universe to us.

So, yes, dating a writer is perhaps one for the more ambitious - and kind.

For it does, believe me, come with its rewards despite the fact you'll be spending your life with not just another soul but one who has a whole world living inside their mind.

You will most certainly never be bored.

As while we're a harmless bunch of people, we are certainly not boring. 

A writer, if loved and treasured by you, whether you're our partner or pal, will invite you into the universe inside our heads.

It's a mad place, inside a writer's head I must admit. 

Everything is viewed as an adventure, a story, a mission. This means every single moment is lived to the full. 

From making the best cup of coffee we can to making every day one that turns into an adventure so crazy, fun and magical you can't wait to tell everyone what the fuck happened. 

It's never dull. This also means it's tiring. 

Hence why we seek adventurous folk as once you get to know us, you soon discover we are not just a person who sits in front of a computer or with a book perched on our knees.

Oh no, we're a whole entire world in one body, one mind. And shit gets wild real fast. 

We don't just write and read books, we live to tell the tales.

This means, our lives are one big old adventure and the ride simply never stops.

A troublesome yet ambitious rollercoaster indeed. 

Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman


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