Thursday, 11 March 2021

Friendship detoxes: How to spot and rid yourself from a toxic friend

Throughout your life, there will always be different people who come into and out of your bubble who both positively and negatively impact you. 

Having bad friendships can really mess with your head and make you doubt yourself...

From friendships to relationships we have all had situations that can sometimes go a little pear-shaped and you don’t always agree. 

One of life’s hardest lessons is walking away from toxic relationships for the good of yourself. 

Sadly, sometimes, it takes getting burnt to be able to spot a good friend from a bad one. 

However, here at VavaViolet Magazine, we have pulled together six definite things to look out for to establish whether or not your friendship is healthy or toxic for you...

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It’s one thing making fun out of your own insecurities but it isn’t necessary when someone else does it to you.

Second to this is when they put you done in front of others - you just have to remember that people who are nasty and pick on your insecurities and flaws usually do this because they feel bad about themselves and want to distract from it by putting the attention onto someone else.

It's also important to remember there is a difference between having banter with a friend and having a friend who is trying to sneakily bring you down through a joke.

If their jokes are hurting your feelings, set a boundary and tell them.

They may respect it but if they don't they are not a friend worth having!

Emotions never lie! Never forget that. 

Friends should always be encouraging you to be the best version of yourself and your time spent together shouldn’t be a drag.

You need to think about what you are getting from the friendship and pay attention to how you feel afterwards is always worth taking a note of or thinking about. 

If you feel uplifted and supported then fabulous but if you’ve been feeling left down in the dumps after being in their company is it worth your time?

Be it a lift, gossip or even borrowing a few pounds until payday - I will always try my best to have my friends back if they tell me they need me... but toxic friendships can be very one-sided. 

Think to yourself if you were in that situation would they be doing the same for you? If you realise there is a pattern where you're constantly doing things for them and they always deny you help then they may be toxic.

A friendship should be equal for both people but sometimes it can be left feeling like it’s all give and no take.  

Don’t get me wrong 90% of people love a moan and a bit of gossip but there is a time and a place as well as a very clear line. 

Also when talking about others do they become malicious or nasty? This can show that they may not be as honest and genuine as they appear. 

The worst part about this too is... if they can be this way about someone else to you what are they saying about you to other people? 

This can cause self-doubt and just isn’t needed so it's best to move on from it ASAP, if it makes you feel uncomfortable try to steer the conversation in another direction or cut them off.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than the information you told one person being spread like wildfire around a group of friends, colleagues or family. 

Sometimes it can take so much to open up to someone about a certain situation you have faced or something that you are going through and they can seem fully supportive at the time. 

Then in an argument, they blurt it out or tell someone else. 

This is malicious behaviour and not something a true friend would do, it is also a betrayal of trust.

You are always best without these kinds of folk in your life...

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There are many other things that can determine the need for a friend detox and to really evaluate whether or not someone is "good" for you and whether they are actually positively benefiting your life. 

Some people don’t even realise sometimes what they are saying or how they are behaving is appalling so maybe talking to them and getting them to assess their behaviour could work - you could perhaps save your friendship! 

Friendships sometimes naturally fade out - you stop texting, you distance yourself or they do.

Perhaps distance yourself from a toxic friend and then you may realise that there wasn’t really a basis for a relationship there in the first place with that person.

Our basic rule of thumb at VavaViolet is - if someone treated someone you loved the way they treat you - how would you feel about it? 

Sometimes looking from an outsiders perspective on a situation can make it so much easier and less personal. 

If you think you wouldn’t be happy if that person was treating someone you love that way then remember... this year is all about self-love and you shouldn’t accept toxic friendships. 

As hard as it is sometimes walking away is just the best option no matter how hard it may seem at the time.

Always do what is best for you!

Written by VavaViolet's writer, Jessica Murray


1 comment

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