Tuesday, 9 March 2021

How to spot and defend yourself against Earth's most subtle yet deadly killer, the manipulator

Want to know something terrifying? Anyone who has a strong personality and a working brain knows how to manipulate you and they likely know how to do it very well.

The world is quite literally filled with these monsters who are cloaked in a smile, human skin and a mind more intelligently wicked than they will ever let on.

What is a manipulator? Well, it is someone who uses what they know to be their hidden strengths and your weaknesses to control and/or influence others. 

It is often done in a very subtle manner thanks to the mask they hide behind. 

These people are clever - dangerously so - and while that sounds like a wonderful compliment, it's just a fact and it's one we need to accept in order to spot them amongst the crowds because they blend in better than even chameleons could.

Now, we're not saying every bold character you come across manipulates folk as there are some out there who are wise to it but do not tap into it - unless they need to go to war on your behalf or their own.

In truth, it really does take a monster to destroy a fellow monster. But they're a different kind of 'villain' as some will see them... 

They are the ones who spot the bullshit and will be running to your aid to bash the manipulator away with whatever it is in their reach and at no matter the personal cost to themselves.

They're not to be messed with.

In society, they are the men, women and trans folk amongst us who stand up and fight for others. Whether that be a police officer, an M16 spy, the kid who stood up to the bullies or that friend who always knows when somebody is bad news and isn't shy to do something about it.

While this all sounds awfully frightening, it is reality and it's time we address it. 

After all, if we plan to stop them at their own game and protect ourselves and loved ones, we need to know how to play it inside out. You need to know how to play their game better than they can.

You have got to sharpen up and be 10 steps ahead of them.

Luckily once you are aware of what these bizarre characters have in common you will be able to clock them a mile off.

As we said, calling them 'clever' is no real compliment as they are profoundly stupid and seemingly have one thing in common, they can not keep up an act and because they think they're so smart, it's exactly why they are extremely easy to play at their own game and in return, it is how you win against a manipulator by not allowing them to control or influence you.  

Forget watching their body language, you will need five seconds in their presence and you'll know how to take their arse down once you master these tips...

This article is catching your interest, aye? If you fancy more like it check out: 

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A key way to clock a manipulator is due to the fact they are a tad foolish. 

Because of their overwhelming ego they soon believe they own the room and can control/influence others more freely and even publicly - if they're incredibly thick and deluded.

These people will especially let their flaws flare if nobody is calling them out and the longer they walk around feeling untouched, the worse and more idiotic they get.

The power goes to their heads and they feel this sense that they are commanding a sort of authority, and due to this confidence mixed with their tangled and twisted ego they will become a little too bold.

Often this is down to the fear they are implementing in whatever environment you find yourself in with them.

The more vulgar they are about it once they have you trapped, the more it sickeningly delights the fuckers and their behaviours almost always intensify over time.

After they have a victim, gathered a few or scared enough people to remain silent, incomes idiocy in the making as they act like a damn clown in front of those who have seen it all before.

Their cockiness means they forget there could be people sitting in that room quietly waiting to make their move and strike them out.

Like chess, there's a time, a place and patience needed to make your best move against these horrific people.

There's a famous saying that the people you should really fear are those who can remain calm in chaos as they calculate their best and most deadly move.

They are the ones who will spin your world around 360.

What do these people do to warn of manipulators? 

Well, we tease them, of course. Because, well, why the fuck not? They deserve it!

As the subheading reads, 'hit them with rapid revenge' and what we mean by this is not to hit out with violence as that is only lowering your self-worth, is vile straight off the bat and they are never ever worthy of you steeping so low.

Oh no, what you do is you turn up your wit and charm and you light the fire with fire. You trick, confuse and scare them with your words a little all while keeping grace and your head held extremely high.

An example, say you have a manipulator in your life who thinks that because they're so 'scary' nobody will call them out.

I know it's hard to not stand on a table on day one and scream, 'this person is a serial manipulator and they're going to fuck up your whole life' as you kick the manipulator in the face but don't.

Instead, you throw their manipulation back at them carefully and cleverly without actually manipulating them in the process - as we said, keep it classy.

Say, they boldly ask for your opinion on something awkward which you know they know you would find embarrassing in front of a group of people. You know they know this would/is likely to upset/embarrass you and usually, you stay quiet or answer out of fear. 

Do this next time.

After they have asked for your opinion or brought up a subject that has made you feel extremely uncomfortable, respond with this: "Do you genuinely care for my opinion? You know it's not in my best interest to share."

Scary moves, especially to do in front of a group, we get it. Could go horrendously tits up, right? It is still a better option than letting somebody manipulate and degrade you.

But at the end of the day, they know it's a question that makes you feel uncomfortable right?

So, if they respond very quickly with a brief apology stating they didn't realise they had overstepped a boundary. Forget it. 

You have shown them that what they are doing is absurd and to be fair to them, it may have been an innocent act of stepping over the line.

However, it's when a pattern emerges that you have a problem and a manipulator on your hands. 

After you have pulled the above card and highlighted to them that what they did is a peculiar thing to do to another human being and yet they proceed to carry on, we would avoid them personally. 

Something manipulators are very cheeky at doing is helping you out and then using it as a way to blackmail you to do something you don't really want to do for them.

They will do something along the lines of this,

"You know that time I helped you get a job? Well, now you have it I need you to lend me £1,000," for example.

Of course, some people will help you with the goodness of their heart and will support you and then go silent. Never expecting anything in return.

A manipulator however will use the power of getting you that job or whatever it is, over you.

They are not worth that job, your peace, or your time.

You also don't have to give up that job or whatever it is they have got you. 

All you need to do is set a clear boundary with them that they need to understand friendship/relationships do not work that way.

If they kick up a fuss, get rid of them.

There are billions of people on this planet and so, therefore, there is an endless supply of good folk you can surround yourself with. You don't need the bad ones.

Focus on the good souls in your life. The ones you know would be there for you in a heartbeat and expect nothing in return.

Make sure you too are there to help those folk if they ever need it - although, they will most probably never ask for it.

Simply the best way to avoid this problem is to stop giving your precious time and attention to these nasty vermin who try and control/influence you.

When we say this, we don't say it as if we are a senior in the army however, they do teach this step extremely similarly and for good reason.

One thing a real crazy manipulator will do if they can't control or influence you is they will gun for your character and try to assassinate it. They will try their hardest to make you look like the crazy one and they will often go to extreme lengths to do so (it's scary stuff hence why they get away with it so much).

The truth is if you want to be somebody who manipulators avoid in the first place or has the power to destroy them, you have got to make your character unbreakable, unshakeable and so nobody on this planet can take it away from you.

To do this, it's simple really.

You don't need a degree in Psychology (however, it helps a tremendous amount and likely knocks out all of the other steps) but what you need is to arm yourself with self-knowledge.

Now, what we mean by this is you need to develop an extremely deep conscious of who you are to the very core of yourself. This way, others can not control and/or influence you because you know yourself extremely well.

Discover yourself and live as your true self and while doing so also gain a tremendous amount of compassion for yourself.

The only way you will ever learn anything or develop your character is by being kind to yourself and treating yourself as good - if not better - than you treat others.

Everybody should be doing this for themselves. But sadly we don't and we are not taught hence why we're drilling it into you now.

Once you have worked on your self-worth (we have many articles on how to do so) you will come to discover and realise you have as many rights as your manipulator.

You will be able to continue enjoying your night or life without them because you're compassionate for yourself and hence you will then start to avoid such toxicity naturally due to being stronger and mindful of yourself.

Do you see the cycle? 

Your self-knowledge, self-worth and your self-love are all you need in this frightful world, people!

So work on it, for you, every single day.

Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman


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