Saturday, 3 April 2021

Becoming friends with your inner child is the tool to an easier adult life | By Life Coach Jadie White


Wherever you are on your healing journey, you may have heard the phrase "inner child work"… what does that mean anyway? And furthermore, where the hell do I start?

Inner child work can feel like that forgotten cupboard in the basement of your house that you have put into the back of your mind for years and years because you know, at some point, you’re going to have to go and clear out all that mess, but the fear that it will be too much to handle keeps you in avoidance mode. 

And more to the point, you have no clue where to start!!! I FEEL YOU.

It is one of those modalities that everyone knows they need to dive into at some point but they become paralysed with the realisation they don’t know where on earth to begin. 

I want to start by saying, it is NOT as scary as you may initially think, it is the art of finding compassion for ourselves in the long-forgotten parts of ourselves. 

Inner child work is the understanding that everything we are seeking or feel we are missing in our adult lives is actually within us and has been all along.

"Through healing our inner child we can make peace with the wounds that make us feel so far removed from our selves, to transmute them into a new space we can call our own and through supported coaching can create our dreams with it. There we can begin to hold ourselves as we release and rebirth into a new space of wholeness," Says a dear client of mine.

You’re probably thinking, okay that’s great but let’s cut to the part where you tell me where to start.

Have no fear. As I said, it's easier than you think and with these tips, it's even easier...

The first step is to become really honest with yourself. 

Think to yourself, am I in a safe space in my life, mentally, environmentally, emotionally to dive into this work? 

I say this because it can be very triggering and whilst we are learning to love ourselves, it is always more comforting to be in a place where we feel supported.

Also, I would highly suggest seeking support or a safe space for you to dive into this work as the benefits of having space held for us to reflect back on all that we may not be consciously aware of is POWERFUL.

This is your permission to go to your favourite stationary shop and purchase the nicest, most colourful journal, pens, colouring pencils etc to dedicate to this work. GET CREATIVE.


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You also need to understand, we ALL have an inner child. 

Your mum, gran, postman, everyone. Our child is the part of us that is innocent, playful, loving but also scared, fearful, insecure and neglected. 

Our adult is showing up in our lives being unconsciously run by our childhood programming, beliefs and conditions. 

Ever noticed that you want something so bad but there is something within holding you back? Yep. This is our childhood programming blocking us from showing up as the person we want to be.

This is why you must get honest with yourself and get to know your inner child. What did you want as a child before the world scarred you? 

Look back at some childhood photos, watch some tapes from back in the day, draw pictures of your younger self or even meet them through visualisation meditations.

Talking to your inner child (daily) really helps this whole process and get curious about what they need. 

Here’s some quick journal prompts to help you dive in. Why are you sad? Why are you angry? What part of you feels forgotten? What do you need to say to feel heard? What can you let go of?

Another way to become friends with your inner child is to wise up to your triggers - all of them.

What is going on in your everyday life which is triggering your nervous system? Trauma memories lie in our bodies so when we are triggered by a familiar experience/emotion, our body reacts. Keep a journal of these so you can explore what needs healing. Triggers are the root of what needs healing.

After pinpointing your triggers, journal: What do you NEED to ensure you feel comforted/loved/protected?

From this space of relationship building with your inner child, understand that you as the adult, have the power to give your inner child what they need now. This modality is called reparenting.

A few important things to note: your duty is to VALIDATE and FEEL your inner child’s emotions and hurt. 

You cannot heal if you invalidate or avoid. And release your parents' responsibility to parent you – they did the best they could with what they knew. But you are an adult and you can now take responsibility for your own re-parenting.

This is a VERY brief guide on how you can start to heal the inner child practically however this healing journey is absolutely NOT simple nor linear. But along the ebbs and flows of your emotions, you will surrender into this state of unconditional love and compassion for yourself. 

This is where the real work lies, learning to love yourself even if you aren’t where you want yourself to be.

Commit to yourself. You will be loved. You will be held. Journey back home to you!



Written by VavaViolet's Life Coach Columnist, Jadie White.


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