Wednesday, 7 April 2021

The first date debate: Ladies, you need to up your game and get your cash out | Opinion



I'm not keen on women who believe men should pay for everything on a first date, and yes, I am a female and no I'm not trying to tear my fellow women down however do I want them to reflect? Absolutely!

Women who live their lives believing men owe them everything and are deserving of nice things just because of their sex do infuriate me, I'll be honest.

I'll be the first to proudly say I am a feminist and feminism to me is gunning for equality for everybody - not using men as money banks, for example (unless their fetish is being a cash pig, sugar daddy etc, rob those ones).

Perhaps you could even say I am wary of women who moan 'a man is only a man if he pulls out his wallet'. I'll avoid close friendships with them and I'll keep my distance. Always respectful that it's their life and choice, I'm just not about it.

You see, I see it like this, you live your life thinking people owe you shit, therefore you likely think I owe you something and I don't.

Neither do men.

And I like to surround myself with go-getters, independent women and people above my level. These expecting and men-obsessed women just don't cut my inner circle, personally. 

So, without sounding like a 'pick me' girl, as I still wish for men to stay away from me too, I can understand why guys are pissed the fuck off with this debate.

The 'who should pay' one.

We don't really need statistics for this debate as I'd argue this, frankly sexist approach by women is still carried out by many however a survey has been conducted by Refinery29 which found that the majority of women feel men should still pay.

The survey, which focused on millennial women who identify as straight or bisexual, found that even though 46% of women felt guilty when they let a male date pay for them, 59% felt a man should always offer to pay for a woman on the first date — and 48% said they would let a man pay if he offered.

It's ridiculous to me and unfathomable that women still firmly believe in 2021 that a man only cares about you if he spends ££ or pays for the first date.

Surely it's not hard to understand that a man giving you his time and attention is much more valuable? The money you can make more off, the time you can not.


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When I go on a date, admittedly very rarely as they tend to be a waste of my hours, I always like to lay down one thing pretty quickly, we're splitting the bill or if I go OTT on cocktails I'll be paying for them.

I'm not there for your money, you see. And there's a lot of women who aren't and we are sick of the stereotype created by some who expect their men to turn into Barclays Bank. 

Let me say this with confidence, some of us have got our own cash and are there for your conversations, to establish if there is a connection and to see if you are a worthy investment of our time.

Because time is money. And while my eye is not set on your bank account, it's firmly on mine and I have £££ to be making myself.

When I hear a woman complain, "He didn't even offer to pay" or "he asked if we can go halves" with disgust across their face, I can't help but want to slap it - although, I never would. Just mentally speaking.

It irritates the hell out of me and my honesty always escapes me as I question why they didn't offer to pay or just go halves merrily.

"That's not romantic" they often say. Romance in that department is dead, get with the times. 

The new romantic way of showing appreciation for one another is going halves as we're almost in similar boats now.

Back in the day, before women could work, of course, men paid and it was expected but things are different these days and while it's still not 100 per cent fair, the 24-year-old lad you're on a date with who is also living paycheque to paycheque isn't the reason there is a gender pay gap.

Cut him some slack and pay for your own bloody food, make your own way because we're all just trying to make our own in this world and the sooner we do it together, the better.

Men don't owe you fancy dinners, ladies. 

They owe you respect, to love and protect your children, to be your best friends, amazing dads and to fight the patriarchy by our sides. 

That's what men owe you.

So pick your battles wisely. 



Written by VavaViolet Magazine's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman


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