Sunday, 1 August 2021

Befriending your anxiety: How to take control of low emotions in the moment | By Life Coach Jadie White

Instead of trying to ignore our anxiety, we need to listen to it like we would a dear friend in a dire state. 

If like past me, your default state is to shift right into “fix it” mode as soon as you feel an ounce of anxiety or you will do anything practical to distract yourself from the unwanted emotion you are feeling, then the concept of “feeling it out” is going to feel like completely unsafe territory.

But the best thing to do when you feel anxiety isn't to ignore it, it's to console it and listen to your emotions by sitting with them for a moment long enough to comprehend why you feel a certain way - so then you can implement changes to your mindset.

What do you mean by “sit in the emotions?” What if I sit for too long and it completely takes over me like a tsunami wave? What if I can’t find my way out? What do you mean by “feeling is healing?" 

Yes, we must acknowledge and appreciate the coping mechanisms we created to keep us safe once upon a time but it is time to recognise that we are safe now and the habit of avoiding our emotions may be more sabotaging than helpful at this point.

As our Founder, Sophie Blackman said in her Editor's Letter recently, "acting nonchalant harms you more than it does good". 

Society has a funny way of labelling certain emotions “good” and “bad”. 

It teaches that we should accept those that feel good, and reject those that feel bad. 

The thing is, emotions are all a part of our human experience, every single one is beautiful and our birthright to experience. They are also how we learn and develop. 

Instead of dreading the low lows, anxiously resisting anything that could potentially trigger those unwanted emotions, how would it feel to choose to become friends with our anxiety, with our sadness? What if that was all that was needed to diffuse the suffering?

What if there was nothing “to do” but instead just allow it to come in without pushing it away? 

Intrigued by this article and want to read more like it? Check out: 

- The intricate art of balance: How to set your boundaries | By Life Coach Jadie White

- Becoming friends with your inner child is the tool to an easier adult life | By Life Coach Jadie White

- Gaining control over alcohol: What is sober curiosity and is it for me?

What if feeling sadness was just an opportunity to practise giving ourselves more of what we needed? 

What if I told you the only productive thing you can do in those moments of grief is to sit in it, get curious with it, communicate with it, find out what it needs which becomes the easiest way to release the pain once and for all. 

The next time you feel anxiety... 

Take a moment to notice what physical sensations you are experiencing in the body right in that moment. 

Place a hand over the part of your body that needs your attention. 

Notice how it feels to soothe yourself with your own physical touch. 

Ask yourself, what emotions am I experiencing right now? 

Listen for the answer. Don’t second guess yourself. 

Ask yourself, what are you trying to tell me? 

Listen for the answer. 

Ask yourself, what do you need from me? 

Listen. Trust. Honour. 

The only reason you would ever avoid feeling certain emotions is that you have a core belief that you are not strong enough to hold yourself. 

What if you were? What if you already had EVERYTHING you needed within you to hold yourself? You are safe now. 

Written by VavaViolet's columnist and Life Coach, Jadie White.


1 comment

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