Thursday 2 September 2021

Feeling unfulfilled and disempowered in your relationship? Here's how you get it back

Ladies in relationships, do you tend to take control, make plans and provide the structure and safety? Does this leave you feeling as if you are running the connection on your own, and there is no space for you to feel like the free-flowing, nurturing and soft female you actually are? 

Then it may be that your feminine energy is out of balance so here's what you can do...


  • This article can be applied to everyone depending on what gender you identify with, not just the ladies as referred to throughout. 
  • We embody both masculine and feminine energies within ALL of us. 
  • When I refer to masculine and feminine, it is in regards to ENERGY, NOT GENDER. 

"He gets intimidated because he can't handle the fact he's with a strong woman." 

"If I don't do everything, nothing will get done." 

Sound familiar? 

*Cough* toxic femininity *cough*. 

This way of thinking could mean you are shifting all the blame into your male partner, creating MORE resentment and stress when actually YOU have more to play in this than you may initially think. 

Typically, for a healthy relationship to thrive and for both parties to feel empowered in their sexuality and roles, it is necessary that if you identify as a female, you should embody 60% of your feminine energy and only 40% of your masculine power (energy) and vice versa. 

If there is an imbalance within you, you will notice feelings of resentment, frustration, and unfulfillment within your relationships. You are simply not being given the space to EMBODY your feminine energy, probably because you're too busy embodying your masculine. 

Here's why... as a woman who embodies more of her masculine energy, she tends to attract men who represent more of their feminine to create an equal balance. However, she really wants and needs someone who embodies their masculinity MORE than she does so she can feel safe to surrender to her feminine flow. 

Women who have more masculine energy tend to come from a background where their father/male figure was absent or could not/refused to provide the safety/security that she needed to trust a man to keep her safe. 

Therefore this pattern is repeated in adult relationships. The female will embody the man all by herself because she believes she is the only person to keep her safe, not allowing her romantic male the space to prove that he can keep her safe. 

How does this go wrong? Naturally, a female needs to feel protected, safe and looked after, while a man needs to feel like a man - protective, not controlling. When this is taken from him, he has to overcompensate in other toxic masculine ways, which sabotages the relationship in various ways = unhealthy/unfulfilled relationship. 

To balance this, you need to identify the top 3 mistakes we masculine women do wrong in relationships.

These are: 

We stay guarded and untrustworthy of men to keep us safe. 

"I'm independent, I can take care of myself" translates to men as "I don't need you", which to a man is like cutting off their balls with a kitchen knife. 

If you want to be given the space to feel like the woman in your relationship (whatever that means to you, i.e. unique, sexy, looked after, protected, safe, worshipped), then drop this "independent" facade and LET YOUR MAN LOOK AFTER YOU. 

If you are a boss bitch, a business owner or just incredibly career orientated, you are tapping into your masculine energy more than the average female (thanks society, not). 

When you bring this energy home with you back to your partner, it can translate into nagging, moaning, delegating tasks, which in turn makes your partner feel like you're his mum and naturally rebels to regain an ounce of his masculinity back. 

So woman, go secure your bag, build your empire but leave that shit at work. If you find it hard to switch off, take some space to tap back into your feminine before coming home, like doing a yoga class, meditate, dance, sing whatever gets you into your feminine. 

Don't allow your daddy issues to get in the way of your romantic relationship. 

You have to learn to separate the two. 

If your dad left when you were a little girl, don't assume your partner will go too. Instead, build trust back towards men and heal this dynamic within yourself for the fairness of yourself and your partner. 

So yes, there is work to do on both sides, whether you are the female part or the male part, but right now, I am talking to the ladies because you cannot control anyone, especially your partner. But you can control how you respond, and the only way to take your power back is to take ownership for your part to play. 

Ask yourself, are you giving your partner enough space to embody his masculinity? Or are you taking up both feminine and masculine energy in one? 

I could speak about this for hours, so if anything from this post has spoken to you today, please feel free to send me a message via Instagram, and I'd love to chat further - @vibrat3higher

Written by VavaViolet's columnist and Life Coach, Jadie White.

PS: Jadie (@vibrat3higher) is an inner child and embodiment coach who helps women work through their wounds by acknowledging sabotaging patterns and work on healing and releasing blocked emotions to come home to who they truly are. 

Suppose you seek some nurturing support and need a compassionate and warm coach to hold you through your healing journey. In that case, Jadie has availability for bespoke coaching packages that suit your individual needs - book a complimentary intro call here!


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