Wednesday 17 November 2021

Does fantasising about someone else make you a cheat? Let's debate...

Many believe fantasising about another person when in a committed relationship is complete betrayal and, in many ways, a form of cheating. But is a wandering mind guilty of adultery?

Although fantasy is no more than a daydream, it causes much controversy. So why do these thoughts cause so much distress for couples?

Fantasies are prevalent and come in all shapes and sizes but fantasising about someone else is in the top 10 list of dreams amongst Brits. 

So, if it's so common, should you tell your partner about it? Yes and no.

Sometimes this can backfire, and partners can find it hard to draw the line between reality and fantasy. They can't fathom those fantasies aren't always what we'd like to do but just a fleeting thought we have.

If you're getting down to it thinking about your favourite celeb occasionally, there is no harm in it, right? However, how would you feel if your partner was thinking about one of your friends or a co-worker whilst getting down and dirty!

The closer the person to you, the higher the chance of the fantasy becoming a reality, and this can be all too much to bear and can feel like a dagger to the heart for your partner. 

Before you know where you are, you've been accused of having an affair, all from a probably fleeting thought. 

For others, just the thought of their partner, thinking about someone else enhances their sexual pleasure.

As much as we would all like to believe that we only have eyes for our partner and vice versa, science disagrees. 

After the honeymoon phase, the novelty of being so in love wears off and reality kicks in. 

Not everyone has time to balance a healthy sex life with the trials and tribulations that come with living daily. 

Many people feel awful to say that someone else is attractive, but it is part of human nature and biology. So there is no need to feel bad.

The difference is that a fantasy is just that, but if it becomes more than that to the point you are considering acting on it, you need to look at what this means for you. 

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Having thoughts about someone else can cause a lot of jealousy and ultimate guilt in others, which is a cultural thing. 

We have been programmed to think that once we are in love, that is where the story ends. 

What no one talks about is that it is healthy to experience different feelings. 

It is part of the process of accepting them and then letting go. This can be a positive mentality to adapt throughout life, not just over sexual fantasies.

By suppressing a feeling, you are giving it the power to control and dictate your behaviours for you instead of thinking for yourself. 

In many cases, those that continue to suppress urges often succumb to them. 

It is like being on a diet and telling yourself you can only eat a salad eventually; you'll cave and eat a cake but then regret it seconds later.

Looking, speaking to, or thinking about someone you find attractive is an enjoyable experience. 

If you meet someone and enjoy their company, it doesn't have to mean you are in love with them. 

Brad Pitt could walk into a room, and you can accept that he is good looking. However, it doesn't mean you're going to end your marriage just because you are in his company.

Remember, whether we speak about it, everyone has fantasies, and most people bring theirs to the bedroom. 

It is impossible to control our thoughts all the time, and there will always be people in the world that we find attractive. 

Fantasising is a sign of a happy and healthy sex drive and can keep your sex life alive and vibrant.

Our advice, be open and honest with your partner and never say never. 

If a thought like this comes into your mind, embrace it rather than wasting your energy beating yourself up about it. 

Be reasonable, respectful, and realistic and talk to your partner.

You never know; it may just spice things up...

By Sophie Blackman.



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