Monday 20 May 2024

Let successful women date who they want without judgement | Opinion

If you're a single high-achieving woman, your love life is likely a shit show. Whether it's because you intimate men by merely being you or are dubbed a "settler" for falling for someone who isn't a "hustler", you just can't win. 

It sounds very egotistic to deem oneself as "successful", but I am, and success is whatever it means to you. For me, it means being content with who I am and the life I've created for myself, which has given me the freedom to be myself. 

I know that dubbing myself such things as a woman will have some rolling eyes (none would bat an eyelid if I were a Businessman). However, I've got a lot to say on this subject, and someone needs to spit it out. 

Some of us - quite a lot, actually, from conversations I've had with fellow Businesswomen - are bloody sick of people commenting on our dating lives and partners. 

Predominantly, we are annoyed by the fact that others think they know what's best for us. When really, it is patronising as most of us know damn well what we are doing. We are intelligent women who know what is best for us.

I am fed up with showing pictures of people I'm dating to others for the first question to be, "What's their occupation?". What does it matter? Followed by, "How much do they make in a year?" and that ugly judgemental look you get back when you tell them to fuck off. Which I do. 

It comes down to not that you don't think they're good enough for me, you wouldn't date them, and you're projecting the fact you judge someone's 'status' instead of who they are. Had you asked if they make me howl with laughter at my phone, if they make me feel sexy and support my busy day without being a nuisance, you would see why I like who I've dated over the years so much?

Sure, they couldn't afford lush gifts or plane flights, but they could make me laugh until Coke Zero spurted out at them across the table and came out of my nose as we lost ourselves in laughter. 

It's rather sad, actually, but for some reason, a man working a 'normal' job to get by in his twenties/thirties, has receding hair or is under six feet is apparently the worst thing the male species can do to us. But, I'd like to remind you, it's not. 

And none of those things should make people "undateable". Absolutely nobody is such a thing. It's a horribly cruel remark to make.

Let's take a second to imagine if men walked around saying, "I only date women who make £100K+," we'd be fucking outraged! 

Yet all I see on Tinder are insecure lads putting their height as the first thing in their bio or wearing a cap in every picture. I have had sex myself with someone who would not put their hat off; I knew why I did not bring attention to the matter, but it left me with so much to think about.

So, yeah, I would date the funny guy who is nowhere near 6'0ft and makes pennies but hits my G-spot every time and never fails to make me laugh or feel loved. Doing so does not make me, or you, a "settler". If he is a good man, he is a good man! Nothing else should matter, just who he is!

It annoys me so much because I was an outcast before losing eight stone, dying my hair jet black, and starting two businesses. No one looked for anything in me, although I was still the same kind, caring woman I am today. 

The only thing that changed in society's eye is that I became more "dateable". And it's sickening; the whole concept of 'pretty privilege and 'the power of wealth' is gross. 

I've been humbled enough in my lifetime to know you should NEVER judge a book by its cover or materials - you look for who they are, not what they do for money. 

I recently discussed this conversation with a like-minded friend over cocktails. We joked - but were being deadly serious - that we are A-Ok being the 'sugar mumma' type. The phrase alone makes me cringe, but in seriousness, being the breadwinner doesn't bother me even slightly.

I don't understand why we all put downers on one another; when the world would be so beautiful built up.

Written by VavaViolet's Founder & Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman


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