Monday 20 May 2024

Don't date a writer if you can't handle an academic snob | Opinion

Amongst discussions with fellow writers, it has become clear that we all have one thing in common: People tend to fall in love with our writing but have issues dating us! I can't say I blame folk. A writer's life is not for the unadventurous or close-minded, nor is it suitable for those looking for louder company: We appreciate silence. However, your mind will see a new world if you can handle our academic excellence - though we may royally piss you off with our snobbery. 

Don't get it twisted; writers are delightful people to be around, some of the most intelligent and open-minded you will ever come across. Nobody will be more descriptively truthful to you about life than a writer will; our whole life revolves around fathoming everything. Despite the belief we sit around drinking champagne, pondering chess moves and reading research papers for fun (all true), we are simple creatures, and unlike my headline states, not all of us are snobs (I am, though, you will not catch me reading Colleen Hoover). 

The trouble is that we adore peace and solitude and have evolved to be at one with our thought processes, but many have not. Finding a partner who has also spent a lifetime filling the mind with knowledge and is comfortable with solitude is challenging; thus, our relationships tend to bore or overwhelm us quickly. 

At least, admittedly, they do for me. If a conversation does not stimulate my mind or lacks inspiration, I would rather pick up my book than speak to you. It caused issues when chasing boys for kiss chase (I preferred Harry Potter), and it's stopped me from dating anyone who can't name three famous writers to this day (a literature snob that I am). 

To date a writer, you need a quick wit, a desire for new experiences, patience, knowing when to be quiet, and an "it is what it is" mindset, as a writer's life is a wildlife. Unlike most, we're not afraid to be direct or seek a thrill - we want to view and make art from everything we witness - and will go to great lengths to achieve so.  

Dating a writer also means skipping all small talk. We can not cope with it. We do not care to hear, "Yeah, I had a good day," we want the nitty-gritty details; we want to hear if the postman clipped your car by accident or if you cried after getting a haircut. We also can not spend valuable writing/reading time watching TV or films; it's like garlic to a vampire; it burns. So, if you want a cuddle on the sofa and a movie day, you will have to go full-on BDSM style to get us away from our keyboards/typewriters. 

The most important thing to consider if you want to date a writer is we live in a writer's world. We will never be in yours, nor do we want to be. Most of us are very mentally unwell and write for therapy; we tend to have war-torn souls. Many of us have escaped reality for good reason, and we aren't coming back, even if we wanted to. I checked out at six years old. I remember it clearly. It felt almost like a hypnotic state, and suddenly, I could puzzle together a new world, worlds, and universes. I no longer wanted to be part of anything I had not created or had little control over; I no longer felt alone; I had characters around me, guiding me, speaking in my ears. It frightened me at first; what I now know to be intrusive thoughts were so creative that I could almost see the monsters I had created in front of me. 

I thought I was mental (a common writer experience, to ponder one's sanity) until I was in Tesco one summer evening with my Mother a few years later. I was being a usual Brat and could not pick a toy; it all bored me, and my only urge with dolls was to rip their heads off. "Why don't we check out the books?" Mother suggested, not honestly caring, I followed her down the book aisle. I fell in love for the first time that day. As soon as I saw all the words, I could swap them around and make them sound cooler in my head. I could remember every word, too; driving back in the car, I could still see the pages in my mind. I can still do so today; once I read something, it is in my mind pretty much forever. It made studying less time-consuming but made letting go of the past challenging. 

"I need to write" was all I could think about my entire childhood; from eight years old to now, it is all-consuming. And thus, like many writers, we can be overstimulated quite easily - especially if we have a lot of deadlines. For example, if I am typing 300 words per minute with noise-cancelling headphones on, and I have finally cracked the code, and you DISTURB me, I'll be damn rude. Unless someone has died, I am going to be rude, and I have never apologised for it and never will. It is not up for discussion; you do NOT ruin a writer's flow. Some partners can not fathom this, but losing the train of thought angers you when you have been working on a piece for years. For this reason, I always have a "do not disturb" sign on my door; because God forbid you make me lose a genius idea, I'll immortalise your idiocy in verse - and maybe even dump you.

 By VavaViolet Magazine's Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman.

PS: Never, ever borrow our pens. 


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