Friday, 5 November 2021

Therapist Sally Baker's tips: How to strengthen your intuition to spot red flags while dating

When thinking about dating red flags, there are plenty of lists available online. However, many of the behaviours that become abusive behaviour begin incrementally or can initially be subtly or hard to identify.

It is helpful when dating to have a balanced approach to meeting new people. Ideally, you should suspend being too critical or writing people off before you have had a chance to get to know them. After all, dating is about being open-minded and embracing the possibility of meeting new people who may well have different outlooks, opinions or attitudes to you. 

Being able to decide whether someone feels out of kilter to you because you are new to each other is different from realising someone's behaviour or opinions will never fit with yours. 

Being able to make the right decision about someone you've just met can save you a lot of energy, time and wasted emotional investment.

So, how can you do that? The best tool you already have for spotting red dating flags is your intuition. That's when you get a hunch or an inkling about something. It is when your gut reaction lets you know whether something is right or wrong for you.

When you have a healthy, intuitive solid response, you get a strong hunch. Then, you can act accordingly because, ideally, you listen to and trust your intuition. 

Without a strong sense of your own intuition, you can feel confused about the decisions you make. It also makes it easy to miss early warning signs that someone isn't for you.


How strong is your intuition? Let's find out together, shall we?


As I said, your gut reaction is your natural response created to look out for your best interests. It's the hunch you feel if something is correct or not for you. So take a moment to consider if you think you have a strong sense of intuition. 

Just take a guess off the top of your head. Then, score the strength of your hunches with zero, meaning you don't feel you have any sense of intuition and a score of ten to signify a high functioning, strong and trusted sense of intuition. 

Rate yourself now. Write down the numbers (1 to 10) and circle the number you feel relates to you. 



Enjoying this article and intrigued to read more like it? Check out:

- Change of Seasons: How to accept the journey rather than resist it | By Life Coach Jadie White

- Let successful & strong women date who they want without judgement | Editor's Letter



Strengthening your intuition, here's how...


The ideal is, of course, a score often, but if you marked your intuition lower than that, be assured that you can strengthen your gut reaction with simple, actionable steps. 

You can literally start to do this protocol today to make a difference in how you feel about yourself.

This protocol helps you grow your intuition, which can lead to you discovering powerful insights and a-ha moments as you shift from having a barely functioning intuition to listening and trusting your own hunches or gut reactions.

When you meet someone who isn't a good fit, a person with a well-developed intuition would usually experience a gut reaction. It can feel like that queasy feeling in your stomach when you are anxious about something or when you are experiencing uncertainty, for instance.

This physical manifestation is part of the human acute stress response or fight-or-flight reaction within the body's sympathetic nervous system in response to a perceived harmful event or even a threat to survival. 

However, suppose your hunches have often been ignored or over-ridden in the past. In that case, your intuition can be turned down or muffled to the point it can become muted entirely. This happens when you push yourself to do things that don't serve you. The uncomfortable feeling you are overriding is a part of your body's early warning mechanisms. 

Sometimes people who don't trust their intrinsic value use drugs, alcohol or comfort eating to muffle their intuitive responses. Another way your intuition can be over-ridden is when the intuitive part of you knows you're exhausted. Still, you ignore that feeling and push yourself through by fuelling yourself with stimulants like caffeine, sugar or illegal drugs.

I believe everyone can have or develop a healthy intuition that is dynamic and responsive. 

Spending just a little time each day makes it possible to increase one's intuitive powers, which can positively affect mental and physical health, relationships, finance, and many other aspects of your personal happiness and success. 


Try this to increase your intuition


The ritual of writing Morning Pages comes from the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. This book was originally written for artists who were undergoing a creative crisis. 

Over twenty-five years old, Julia's classic book and its processes have helped many people from all walks of life to newly discover their inner dialogue or get back onto their creative path and live their life more authentically.

Morning Pages asks that you fill three pages of paper with words. Write whatever comes into your mind, and don't stop until you've filled the requisite pages. Most importantly, these are your words, just for you and not for sharing. 

The other guideline Julia offers is that you don't read back through them yourself for several weeks so that you don't allow your ego an opportunity to be its judgmental, pessimistic self.

You will find some days writing your pages will feel banal, and the whole act feels like drudgery, while other days your Morning Pages will be filled with insights and a-ha moments. 

Stick at it for at least a month, and you'll find it becomes a valued and addictive part of your process of getting to know yourself and your intuition.  


By Senior Therapist & VavaViolet Columnist, Sally Baker.

www.workingonthebody.com


For an exclusive 10% off Sally's services, use code 'VavaVioletMag' to save some ££!



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